Learning to like Myself

 For years Ive heard people say you will never truly be happy until you learn to love yourself. I never really understood what that meant. Throughout my weight loss journey Ive realized how I have always disliked myself and never felt good enough, never felt thin enough and never felt pretty enough. I didn't want to meet my husbands coworkers because I was fat. I didn't want to go out and do things because I was fat. Since losing a significant amount of weight I have realized I feel better, I'm happier and am not as self conscious. I have confidence! I have decided that i will no longer sit around the house doing nothing all the time. (though that is a good thing to do once in awhile)

This week I had lunch with an old friend from school. We went to elementary, Jr High and High School together! We caught up with each others lives and laughed and had so much fun. For once, I was not afraid to see an old friend or to pose for a photo. (though I did look at this and think, OMG I need a tan! )

 This week I hit a milestone in my journey! I have lost 70.5 lbs !!!!!   I am in a size 12 which is unbelievable to me!

I finally hit a point where I am happy with myself. No matter who is or isn't in my life, I'm happy with me and will go on with life enjoying it, loving it, learning more and doing more for others. I a finally happy with myself, I finally love myself no matter what. Now I understand the statement Ive heard from many people over the years.

Pre Op Diet begins

This weekend was my "last meal" or shall I say "meals"  Friday night my husband and I went out to eat at my favorite place, Texas Roadhouse! I enjoyed the rolls,an appetizer, salad, baby back ribs, and a loaded baked potato. I was stuffed!  Saturday I saw that the McRib is back at McDonalds and I love those! I got one of those also. Tonight, we went to LaCocina Mexican Restaurant. Oh my goodness I ate way too much this weekend and it made me feel awful! For the past 7 months Ive changed the way I eat, Ive been taking in 64 oz of water a day and exercising. I decided to go all out this weekend since Monday (tomorrow) I start my pre op diet. 

My surgeon put me on a two week diet but since Thursday will be exactly two weeks before surgery, I decided to start the diet on Monday. 

Here's is how it will go: 

For 1.5 weeks I will have a protein shake (mixed with water) for breakfast. Three hours later a protein bar, a few hours later another shake, three hours later another protein bar. Then, for dinner I will have a lean meat (the size of the palm of my hand) and a green vegetable.

For the week before surgery I can have protein shakes only through out the day. Clear liquids only for the 24 hours before surgery. 

Tonight I will do my measurements and weight (here at home) I hope to lose 10-15 lbs while on the pre op diet to really boost my weight loss and metabolism. 

I purchased Bariatric Advantage for my protein shakes and BA bars and crisps for the snacks. In addition I purchase Isopure and soups with a lot of protein for after surgery. 

I'm excited about this new adventure. My children are not sure what to think. My youngest said my hugs wont be the same anymore once I lose weight. That made me sad but I know I'm doing this for my health, so Ill be happier with myself and live longer around my children and family. 

Ill try to blog a little about how my pre op diet is going. I'm not even sure if anyone is reading this blog. I have told very few friends about my surgery. I don't want to hear the negative comments so its better that I keep it to myself.

Life has a way...........

Life has a way of getting you down sometimes. 

I dont want to ask, "What else can happen?" because it surely will! 

We lived without water for two days this week. We finally discovered that the wiring to our well had broke in half. It cost a few hundred dollars and a lot of work (and a day off) for my husband. Thankfully, we were able to walk over to the inlaws house and take showers. 

We went to a new dentist recently and was told my youngest had 16 cavities and her new braces needed to be removed for all the work to be done. This would cost thousands of dollars. I opted for a second opinion. My husband had to take another day off and he took her to the Orthodontist to have the wire removed (not all braces) then to a new dentist for the exam and back to the Orthodontist to have the wire put back on. The second opinion? She has NO cavities between her teeth! She has two on molars and can be taken care of with the braces on. Thankful that I had common sense enough to go for a second opinion. 

Its been over 100 degrees for weeks and I have had little to no air in my truck. You do what you have to do right?

As for my weight loss journey.....  Ive been excited about this for three months and with everything else beating me down I guess it was time for me to come off my high.... I looked at myself and thought, "why is it taking surgery for you to lose weight and keep it off resulting in better health?"  

Right now Im tired physically and emotionally, Im stressed about finances, health and work issues. Im just worn down and need a break, a vacation just time off from LIFE.

I made it!

1) I made this yummy dinner for the family. I merged two recipes from the book Ive been using, Eating for Life. I cooked chicken breast, bell peppers, purple onions, squash in a pan with curry powder, pink salt, cayenne pepper, basil. I drained and warmed up corn with no salt and black beans. Then, we warmed wheat tortillas and put the chicken mixture on top, sprinkled beans and corn with a little cheese, salsa and sour cream on top! So good!


2) I made it to my Nutritionist appointment. Ive been doing most of what she had to tell me! Ive lost 5 lbs and only  few more appointments and Ill be done!

3) I made it through the day after seeing a doctor about my neck pain. Strained muscle was inflamed and pressing on nerves. Steroids and pain meds are making a HUGE difference!

two of six

Monday I went to my second pre-op visit for a weight check. It was a short appointment where he asked about my eating habits. I was excited to tell him Ive stopped drinking soft drinks!!! Its been four weeks since I had a soft drink! I drink only water and maybe one cup of coffee a day. I eat the six meals a day ..... example:  yogurt or boiled egg (breakfast) protein shake (around 10m) lunch around 1 which is a salad with egg or turkey in it or a turkey sandwich on wheat bread. around 3 protein shake or bar and then dinner (from the cook book) and many times a light snack like apples and cottage cheese. He said as long as i continue these things Ill do great and lose a lot!

In 1.5 weeks I will see the Nutritionist and then a Psychiatrist and a sleep study.

Only four more visits of weight checks!

On my way

Last week I checked a lot of things off my list when I went to an appointment at the local hospital for and EKG, Labwork, Chest XRay and UpperGI tests.

Next week I see the surgeon for the second time.

I have stopped drinking sodas and increased my water intake. Ive consumed up to 64 oz in a day but thats not an average day.  I consume a very small amount of caffeine and am trying to limit my sugar intake. I now eat six times a day (as instructed by my doctor) in small amounts and a lot of protein.

Making this choice for surgery is not taking the easy way out. Its a lot of hard work, breaking habits, eating a different way, and  exercising, Surgery is simply a tool to help me lose a little faster but with the same hard work!

My Support System

He supports my decision to lose weight this way and get healthier! 

That means alot! 

 

My Choice

I know quite a few people who have had the Gastric Bypass. This is where the surgeon cuts part of the stomach out and makes a smaller pouch and then he will reroute or bypass part of the intestines to reduce absorption of nutrients. This is a major surgery and limits the amount and types of foods that you can eat (for the rest of your life) For example, most can no longer eat any sugar in addition to other foods. I DO NOT WANT THIS TYPE OF SURGERY! I don't think I need this one. 

I have chosen the Gastric Sleeve. This is a newer surgery that some surgeons are doing. The sleeve's results are comparable to the Gastric Bypass but its less invasive with shorter hospital stay and shorter recovery time. It also has less side effects. 

After explaining to my surgeon that these were the reasons I wanted the sleeve over other options, he agreed that those facts were correct and that the sleeve would be his suggestion for me as well. 

 

EMOTIONS

Today I had my consultation with the Bariatric Surgeon. I was excited until the moment I left work and drove towards the doctor's office, then I got nervous. (butterflies and all!) I arrived and walked towards the entrance of the office and saw someone I knew.  (The office is located at an Orthopaedic Office) I, then, felt embarrassed. She asked if I was hurt and was that why I was there. I just said no, I'm fine and went on about my way. LOTS OF EMOTIONS!

No sooner than I sat in the waiting room I was called to the back. I was weighed (heavy sigh)  height measured, and blood pressure taken. I was explained all the hoops I have to jump through.... such as talking to a Nutritionist, a Psychologist, having a sleep study, and meeting with a doctor who will monitor my weight and help guide me to a healthier eating habit and style of living.

My Surgeon was amazing! He was friendly and talkative. He wanted to know why I wanted this procedure and he talked to me about the side effects and ways it will change my life. Today was also my first appointment for weight monitoring so I have five months to get all tests completed and submitted to my insurance company before surgery is scheduled.

My husband went with me today. He is nervous about me going through surgery, so he had questions. We talked to our children about the surgery and then I decided it was time to tell the first person (outside of this house) and I called my dad.

He thinks it is a big decision but is fully supportive of it.

Im on my way to thinner, happier, healthier ME!!!!

Why I Don't Want Lapband Surgury for Weight Loss

I am no doctor and I do not know everything about weight loss surgeries. If you need information about these procedures, consult a specialist! I am, however, sharing what I have learned from my research (and may or may not be right about everything I say. I hope what what I'm sharing is correct but keep in mind, I'm no doctor) I have gathered my information from various medical websites online.

When I first thought about weight loss surgery, I was interested in the Lapband. Mostly because I might not need to lose as much weight as many do and because it seemed less invasive and shorter recovery time. (I have since decided against Lapband) 

What is Lapband?
A port is affixed under your skin in the abdomen for easy access. Then, a band filled with a saline solution is placed around the upper part of the stomach. Doctors gain access tthrough the port to add or reduce the amount of saline in the band.  The idea is to lessen the amount of food that can be taken in and to create a feeling of fullness. Recovery time is about 2 weeks for full recover and may be done as an outpatient service or needing only up to a 24 hour stay at a medical facility.

Some disadvantages are that weight loss takes longer, there is a foreign object/medical device placed inside your body, the port can leak and need minor surgery and the band can slip. I know two people who have gotten Lapband surgery and one nearly died when his slipped and rubbed a hole in the stomach causing infection etc...  The other person lost some weight and couldn't lose anymore, That person ended up having the gastric Bypass later.

This may be the right decision for some but I don't think Lapband is for me. Id rather not have a foreign device inside me and face the possibility of erosion or slipping. I also want faster and permanent results.

Setting Monthly Goals

Over the next six months I will be making months goals for myself such as......
drink less soda and then drink no soda, drink more water, reduce sugar intake, stop consuming sugar, and exercise daily. Even though my first appointment with the Bariatric Specialist isn't until Wednesday, I intend to begin my first goal of drinking less soda, on Monday. I don't consume as much as I used to but I still consume soda and that has to stop!

Ill soon be taking my "Before" photo

In the past Ive taken so many before photos only to not lose weight and feel horrible about myself later.

 Last year I completed the Dirty Girl Mud Run.

 It was difficult but I did it. I had this grand plan to lose weight and be able to run the entire thing this year....... guess what? Not happening! Ive gained weight and don't think Id even be able to complete the run this year. NEXT YEAR, I WILL FINISH IT AND HOPEFULLY ILL RUN THE ENTIRE THING !  (I have learned that I appear much skinnier when a photo is taken from the front, like the one above)

Y'all don't know how hard it is to publicly post these photos of me but I'm doing it because I know I'm on the road to a thinner and healthier me.

On Monday April 27th (the day that this will post)  I will begin working on my goal to drink less soda (cut back to one a week) and consume more water.

And so my journey begins!!!!!!!!

My Journey Begins

 My History

For several years I have been interested in weight loss surgery. Ive been overweight for many years, many in my family are overweight and this comes with health problems. I have tried Weight Watchers, Myfitnesspal , smoothies and other various ways to lose weight and I never lose more than 10-12lbs. I am at my all time weight high and feel awful about myself. I am very self conscience and hate photos of myself. Like most over weight women, I attempt to find clothes to "cover up" the fat.  One year ago as I was driving to work I listened to a local radio personality, Erica, discuss her journey she was beginning with weight loss surgery. I have listened and watched her as I thought in the back of my mind that I would "one day" like to undergo surgery for weight loss. A few months ago I hit a point in which I was unhappy with what I looked like and how I felt and realized I need to stop putting it off. 

I started my journey by researching various kinds of surgery. I only knew of two kinds. (Gastric Bypass and Lapband) but while listening to Erica, I learned about the Gastric Sleeve. 

The Beginning of My Journey

My journey began when I decided that I NEED to do this. I looked up the requirements on my insurance and discovered what doctors were in network. Then, I looked up those doctors online and did a little research on their website. I learned that I had to attend an informational session that taught about the different types of weight loss surgery and what I needed to talk to my insurance company about. I was happy to learn that I could attend the session online (they also offer one in person but the online session was better for me) Once I completed that session I had to type in a code that I was given and I was emailed a certificate of completion. The following day I called my insurance company with specific questions. Within a few days the surgeon's office called me to let me know that they would be verifying my insurance benefits and once that was confirmed they could schedule my first appointment. In the mean time I continued to research the various types of surgery and learn about the benefits and the disadvantages/complications of each type of surgery. One week later the surgeons office called me and said my benefits were verified and they scheduled my first appointment with them. (Which is in 1 1/2 weeks) 

How Am I Feeling?

I am anxious. I wish I could schedule surgery and just do it right away but this is a process. My insurance company requires six months of medical weight documentation. During the six months I will attempt (once again) to lose weight with diet and exercise with the guidance of a medical doctor. Of course Ill learn more about the process at my first appointment. 

I am excited. I am happy to begin this journey that I have thought about for years now. I am reading and watching others on their journey and talking to friends that have gone through the process.
   
I am guarded. I know that many look at others who have gone through weight loss surgery and say "They took the easy way" or " they are too lazy to do it the right way"  I know how it is viewed by many so I'm not talking to many about this journey just yet. Of course I talk to my husband and my children. I talk to one coworker who has had weight loss surgery. As I get further in to this journey I will tell more people. I do intend to blog about the journey from now until a long time afterwards. 

 
  I will share my thoughts and feelings about this along the way. I will share what I learn from reading and talking to professionals but I am no doctor so please do NOT read what I write and mistake it for medical information. If you have questions about weight loss surgery, see a professional.If you have questions about my personal experience, please email me!

Moday starts our Journey

This week my Future Doctor and I will begin our Green Smoothie journey. 

Ive done this before and felt so much better, but for whatever reason I went back to bad habits. 

Future Doctor has not been feeling well for awhile. She MIGHT have some gluten sensitivities. She wants to get healthier and stay away from most gluten and I want to get healthy and lose some weight. Upon taking note of what we eat on a daily basis I realized that we don't eat a lot of vegetables. I love vegetables but it all boils down to whats easier during a busy life. 

Our family eats mostly meat (venison that was killed this winter) and starch. (NOT GOOD) 

Green Smoothies are a way of consuming a lot of vegetables and fruits at one time. 

By drinking them, you can consume a lot more than you can if you eat them. 

 

I clipped the above photo/directions from online (sorry I don't now who to give credit to) 

but its a great way to share how to create a green smoothie. 

Basically I cue 1 cup of almond milk (unsweetened) 2 cups of greens and at least one but sometimes two fruits. Blend well in the blender and drink! The fruit takes away the flavor of the greens. We will consume a green smoothie in place of breakfast and lunch. Enjoy two protein snacks in between and have a sensible dinner. 

 

When doing this be prepared for the detoxing. 

The first week you can feel kind of yucky but eventually that goes away and you feel energized! 

 

CHEERS! HERE'S TO A HEALTHY START! 

Who Am I (aka All About Me)

I started blogging years ago. Some of my current readers were followers back then. I started blogging about my family. It was a way to update family and friends about our family and eventually it was more of a place to write my thoughts.  

I am not so important that many want to know about me. When I decided to close my former blog Fried Green Tomatoes and Sweet Tea I came to the conclusion that I will probably always blog regardless of whether anyone reads my blogs or not. 

I have always loved writing. As a teenager I wrote poetry and short stories. As my family grew, I grew more and more busy and left writing behind me. About ten  years ago I found my way back to writing. (poetry, blogs and most recently a children's book) 

I grew up being raised by a village. From the age of three I lived with and was raised by my daddy. My sister is a few years younger than me. I grew up helping take care of her. We grew up spending summers and afternoons with our grandparents. One the weekends we went to our aunt's house.

I grew up attending church on a regular basis and met my husband there when I was four years old!  (yes, I said 4!)  I grew up around him and eventually developed a small crush on him. He joined the Army when he was a teenager and when he returned home we had both grown up a bit. We became friends and hung out together at church and eventually he asked me out on a date. 

Fast forward 27 years.....

We have four children. Our only son is in the Marines. Our daughters are growing up quickly and all too soon we will be in this  double wide mobile home with only one child left at home. That makes me sad but at the same time it will give us a few years to spend all our time on her. 

I am not a pretender. I am  a woman who loves her children more than life. I love my husband and my job. I am a believer in Christ but have struggled in recent years over what church to attend. I love chickens! Yes, I said Chickens.  I am overweight and feel that I have always been overweight, until I look over my photos from the past. I don't know what made me feel overweight but I wasn't overweight until I started having babies. 

Here I am with nearly grown children and all too often I feel unhappy about my health and my weight. I am self conscious and simply not happy. About a year ago I read about and tried green smoothies. My family wasn't interested but now... they are. 

We watched Fat Sick and Nearly Dead and that is an eye opener! My husband has lost nearly 20 pounds in three weeks replacing meals with green smoothies. (though we differ on what we like in them and the consistency of them) They are simply up to you.

Here I am....... I am beginning a journey next week (after pay day) to get healthy and lose weight.  My husband is on this journey and one of my daughters will also join us in this journey. (and Ill be blogging about it) 

I am getting organized in my house, in my life and on this blog. I intend to blog more often and only on certain topics. (What would you like to read about?) 
Starting next week, Ill be blogging about our health journey, sharing recipes, talking about pets & family, ideas on date nights/family nights and sharing a little about my faith and upcoming children's book!

I welcome comments and contributions so please...... let me know you are still here and interested.

My Flavored Water

Summer time is around the corner and in the south we need to drink lots of water for our hot and humid days. I don't do so well in the heat, I can easily come quite overcome with the heat due to sweating so much and my lack of interest in drinking water. Awhile back I saw this "recipe" of sorts to naturally flavor you own water and I tried it. I LOVE IT! 

Here's what I did:

Sliced a lemon and squeezed a little of the juices into a pitcher. Throwing all the slices in as well.

I took a few fresh strawberries from a local farm and squeezed them a little to get some of the juices out and threw the berries (and juice) in the pitcher.

I sliced 1/4 of a cucumber and tossed it in the pitcher.

Then I went outside and plucked a few pieces of fresh mint growing in my yard and put a few sprigs of it in the pitcher. 

I added some ice cubes and filled the rest of the pitcher up with water and let it sit in the refrigerator overnight before I tasted it.

Now I can pour a glass of flavored water and squirt a few  drops of stevia for a little sweetness. (In these pictures you will notice that I dropped a few frozen blueberries to use as ice cubes)

I am trying to replace my sodas with flavored water. I stopped drinking sodas awhile back and then broke down and decided to drink one... that was all she wrote, I started back to drinking them! UGHHHH