Wednesday, December 14, 2016

If I didnt laugh..............

 Today was "wear your Christmas Pajamas to work day" and I bought these cute pants just for the occasion . I should have had an easy morning since I didn't have to put a lot of effort in to getting dressed. I ran behind anyway and had a terrible headache (shooting pains right at my temple that id had for two days) before leaving I decided to use some peppermint oil to help with the pain but I got that in my eye!
 I was "crying" due to the oil as I ran to the car and then ran back inside in search of my glasses. Then I left again. For a very brief moment I stopped to admire and take a quick picture of this super moon! Sometimes you just need to stop and enjoy a moment.
 I headed on to work and got stuck in traffic due to a terrible accident. The whole road was blocked and I was sent on a detour that was opposite of where i wanted to be. Then I panicked because I was about to run out of gas! I made it to a gas station just in time only to stand outside in my pajamas pumping gas~!  I made it to work 30 minutes late.
Above I snapped a shot of me as I was about to head in to the grocery store IN PAJAMAS! Something I got all over one of my daughters for years ago and told her "we don't do that" and look at me..... what a day, what a week, what a freakin year its been! If I didn't laugh, Id cry. Not just any cry but an UGLY cry.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Summing up 2016

 One of our family traditions at Christmas is that the kids take turns putting the angel on the tree after we decorate. This year is was my baby girl's turn. Our tree is taller than ones of the past and I chose to put it in a spot where the ceiling is shorter.
 When she went to put the angel on it wouldn't fit. My husband tipped the tree over a little in effort to get the angel on but the tree slid right down and he was left holding the tip of the tree in his hands. Ornaments flew everywhere and we had to start all over again.
This pretty much sums up how my 2016 has been. I have had some good things happen and Ive worked hard and have lost a lot of weight and gotten healthier but so many other things have gone wrong and as this happened while I was snapping photos I said... this is how 2016 has been. Im thankful to see it go.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Maybe I have

One thing I was not prepared for when losing a lot of weight, was the reaction of those around me. They say they are happy for me. They say they are so proud of me. Then, they notice I might take more selfies, they notice I dress different, and then they start saying I'm so different and I'm just not the same person anymore.  Maybe I have changed. Maybe I'm not the same person anymore, and for that, I'm thankful. 

I do not regret spending years devoted to my family. I do not regret never spending time or money on myself. My children are all almost grown now and I decided it was time for me. So I started working on losing weight and many things followed. My self confidence is higher and I finally had the guts to stand up and say I'm not happy with some things in my life. I guess when I was fat, I felt I deserved the life I had, I deserved the unhappiness and the bad things that came along but now, I don't see things that way. 

It is time that I work on me. It is time that I stop doing what is expected of me and just be me for a change. Its time for me to decide what makes me happy and do it. 

I spent years not even walking in to a store that I had never been in because I didn't have the self confidence. I would have anxiety attacks trying to walk into a post office that Id never been in (if I were alone) and one thing Ive noticed is that I don't have those feelings anymore. 

I don't always feel beautiful but I no longer feel like a fat blob. I may not always eat right, but I am conscious of what I'm doing and I get myself right back on track after wards. 

It hurts when your family and friends cannot understand that its time you made a change. It hurts when accusations and mean comments make their way back to you but I'm learning to not care. 

Ive never wanted to pack up and move to a new place with a new job ALL ALONE but that is something that has crossed my mind more than once lately.  Maybe I have changed.... so what? Why cant people just let you be yourself and be happy for you?