Sunday, December 4, 2016

Maybe I have

One thing I was not prepared for when losing a lot of weight, was the reaction of those around me. They say they are happy for me. They say they are so proud of me. Then, they notice I might take more selfies, they notice I dress different, and then they start saying I'm so different and I'm just not the same person anymore.  Maybe I have changed. Maybe I'm not the same person anymore, and for that, I'm thankful. 

I do not regret spending years devoted to my family. I do not regret never spending time or money on myself. My children are all almost grown now and I decided it was time for me. So I started working on losing weight and many things followed. My self confidence is higher and I finally had the guts to stand up and say I'm not happy with some things in my life. I guess when I was fat, I felt I deserved the life I had, I deserved the unhappiness and the bad things that came along but now, I don't see things that way. 

It is time that I work on me. It is time that I stop doing what is expected of me and just be me for a change. Its time for me to decide what makes me happy and do it. 

I spent years not even walking in to a store that I had never been in because I didn't have the self confidence. I would have anxiety attacks trying to walk into a post office that Id never been in (if I were alone) and one thing Ive noticed is that I don't have those feelings anymore. 

I don't always feel beautiful but I no longer feel like a fat blob. I may not always eat right, but I am conscious of what I'm doing and I get myself right back on track after wards. 

It hurts when your family and friends cannot understand that its time you made a change. It hurts when accusations and mean comments make their way back to you but I'm learning to not care. 

Ive never wanted to pack up and move to a new place with a new job ALL ALONE but that is something that has crossed my mind more than once lately.  Maybe I have changed.... so what? Why cant people just let you be yourself and be happy for you?

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