On Being A Mother

 As far back as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mother. 

I wanted someone to love me and I wanted someone to love. 

I wanted to get married, have babies and raise them. I wanted to teach other children and love them.

 The few photos I have of me as a child I had a baby doll in my arms

or I was caring for my little sister.  I learned how to be a mother from my daddy, my aunts, and my grandmother.

One thing I will never regret is taking part in raising my little sister, having and raising my own four children and taking part in caring for so many other children along the way. 

The one thing I never knew, was how hard it would be to let them go. 

I never understood how hard it would be to say goodbye to my children as they started their own lives and didn't have time to call their Mom. 

I didn't know how hard it would be to be a mother. 

I didn't know how difficult it would be to make decisions for them or for myself that would make them angry at me or that might hurt them temporarily. 

I didn't know how painful it would be to me to see them hurt. 

I didn't know. Had I known, I wouldn't have changed anything. 

Ive loved being a caretaker, a mother and a sister.