My Daughter is Married

 This weekend my daughter got married at a lake in Virginia

 When she was proposed to, it hit me that I needed to make changes with "me" It may sound selfish but it was that moment when I thought about what I might look like in her wedding pictures. I made changes and walked with confidence at her wedding on Saturday.

It was a fun and emotional weekend. Proud but sad and sentimental weekend.

Theres a lot More to be Done

I have lost 79.5 lbs  Physically I feel great! I love that Im in a size 12. I like the way I look (in clothes) I dont like the loose skin on my thighs and belly.

 Yes, I am 45 years old and take lots of selfies but for two reasons: I am proud of how far I have come and I like to compare photos to see the changes.

 One thing Im learning is....  the weight loss and the outward changes do not change the inside. I still have low self esteem, I am emotional and deal with a lot of things that have nothing to do with weight.

I thought at my age I would have it all together and look and feel better about me. I thought I would always make the right decisions and would always be happy. I thought I was over a lot of things from the past and Im not. Weight loss and outward changes do not fix the inside. 

I have a lot of work to do....... still.............

Making Progress and Achieving Goals

 I have lost 75.5 lbs! Im super happy, I feel great but its still a work in progress.

I was super excited that I now fit in a size 12 (American Eagle Jeans) 

Whoop! Whoop!

 Once in awhile I treat myself to a dessert or a Starbucks coffee but for the most part I stick to my plan the majority of the time.  Lots of protein, very few carbs and sugar and as always, the water/fluid intake is a struggle but I aim for 64 oz a day.

This summer I have been working a lot of hours (more than the school year) 

but I have more confidence than Ive ever had! I am now looking in to getting a degree in Elementary Education/Special Education.  

There are always goals and way to achieve them!

No One Tells You

No one tells you how hard it is when your children grow up and leave the nest. My son moved away a few weeks ago. I cant take a long ride and visit him on a day trip anymore. While I am so thankful he is no longer in Afghanistan and he is no longer an active duty Marine, because I know he is safer now. I still miss him so much. I miss the time when our family is all together, laughing about old times. My oldest daughter lives a grown up life of working, paying bills and will soon say "I do" in a beautiful wedding ceremony. I am so proud of my children but my heart aches for the family togetherness. I still have two at home, but one of those will soon graduate from Cosmetology school and begin a full time job. (who knows how long Ill have her at home) and the baby has two years until she graduates high school.

While on our mini vacation recently I asked them, who will I take photos of when you two are gone? They laughed and said "the dogs or the chickens" somehow that isn't the same.

This part of life is so tough on us Mamas.  I just feel lost.

Tea with the Bride to Be

 My oldest daughter is getting married in a few weeks. 

We had a tea party bridal shower brunch.

 We set up tables in my mother in laws front yard, we used our china tea cups and saucers, we had home made scones, muffins and a yogurt bar.

 My daughter and my sister made home made soaps for the guests to take home as a gift. Notes attached said, "From my shower to yours"

 Many of us chose to wear fancy hats. Above is my beautiful blushing bride (daughter)

 We played a few games but mostly we enjoyed flavored hot teas and coffee and the yummy food before showering her with needed household items.

It was so much fun! We are thinking about having another one just for the fun of it!

Live life with no regrets!

 Above is the difference 70.5 lbs makes! 

Below is another photo of my mothers day piercing. Posted this for the reader who commented under my Mothers Day post!

Learning to like Myself

 For years Ive heard people say you will never truly be happy until you learn to love yourself. I never really understood what that meant. Throughout my weight loss journey Ive realized how I have always disliked myself and never felt good enough, never felt thin enough and never felt pretty enough. I didn't want to meet my husbands coworkers because I was fat. I didn't want to go out and do things because I was fat. Since losing a significant amount of weight I have realized I feel better, I'm happier and am not as self conscious. I have confidence! I have decided that i will no longer sit around the house doing nothing all the time. (though that is a good thing to do once in awhile)

This week I had lunch with an old friend from school. We went to elementary, Jr High and High School together! We caught up with each others lives and laughed and had so much fun. For once, I was not afraid to see an old friend or to pose for a photo. (though I did look at this and think, OMG I need a tan! )

 This week I hit a milestone in my journey! I have lost 70.5 lbs !!!!!   I am in a size 12 which is unbelievable to me!

I finally hit a point where I am happy with myself. No matter who is or isn't in my life, I'm happy with me and will go on with life enjoying it, loving it, learning more and doing more for others. I a finally happy with myself, I finally love myself no matter what. Now I understand the statement Ive heard from many people over the years.

Piercings

 On Mothers Day my girls took me to get my nose pierced! I had thought about it over the past few months and decided, why not?  It was a fun day and didn't hurt but a moment. I like it!

Everything is the Same Except the Numbers on the Scale

Life has been moving on in recent weeks. I work full time in an elementary classroom with Autistic children. The end of the school year was busy and hectic. As all things do, it came to an end last week. I had hoped to have a position with the same children over the summer but that did not work out. I cannot afford to stay home all summer without pay so Im actively seeking a summer job and actively stressing!

I never expected weight loss to fix everything in my life. I just wanted to be healthier, feel better and look better. I have now lost 69.5 lbs and my weight loss is slow and becoming more of a challenge. I work out three times a week at a gym with a trainer. My eating has changed a bit and I need to concentrate more on getting in my protein and keeping sugar out of my diet. I also need to make sure I get the fluids in.

Here I sit, often thinking that maybe I did expect things to be a bit better with the weight loss. Everything is still the same (except the numbers on the scale)  I still look in the mirror and most days I still see a fat person. I still am not happy with myself and I realize that weight loss didnt change relationships around me. Everything is still the same, except the numbers on the scale.

I still have anxiety. I still have depression. I still struggle with my self image.

When you lose the weight you often find other problems. I dont like the loose skin on my thighs, or under my chin. I still stress over bills

Everything is the same except the numbers on the scale.

I'm a Groupie (aka Following Noah Guthrie)

 A few years ago I heard a new and upcoming artist on the radio. He started his career on You Tube! I listened to an interview and then heard him sing and that's when I was hooked! He has an unbelievable voice! I listened to Noah Guthrie on youtube. Since I liked his facebook page I see when shows are coming up and imagine my excitement to see he would be singing at the Midtown Music Festival in Raleigh (an hour from me)

 I was in heaven hearing him sing for an hour and half and then meeting him, having photos taken and purchasing a t shirt and CD. Two of my girls went with us. I was an awesome evening!

If you have never listened to Noah Guthrie sing, you must do it now!

Check out his youtube channel Only1Noah

Sharing Clothes

Last year as I started my weight loss journey my daughter was getting rid of some clothes.

I took a few things and said, "Maybe one day Ill fit in these" 

Fast forward to now....  I was cleaning out my closet and saw those things I had taken from my daughter. I tried on this dress (a large) and it fit! 

Now it fits her way more lose than this did me but it fit, and was not too tight! 

Super excited! 

I dont feel fat anymore but I do not feel skinny or small. I still feel like a big girl, I guess I always will. I want to lose 25 more pounds. I also hope I can build up my clothing supply as I do not have enough pants to wear for a full work week! 

Ive gained a few pounds back (three to be exact) and Im trying to figure out what I need to do to break this stall Ive been in for the past month! 

For now, Ill enjoy the excitement over sharing clothes with my girls! 

A Mothers Love doesn't discriminate

 Remember that cute little yellow Duckling? Here it is! I had no idea Ducks grow so fast! 

I purchased a duck and 6 chicks at the same time. We laughed at the fact that Dexter would grow up thinking he/she is a chicken.  We also didn't know if Dexter was a boy or a girl and still don't. I'm inclined to believe its a female as Dexter has strong maternal instincts. Dexter thinks these chicks are her babies.  Above you will see that I took Dexter out of the run for a swim in the kiddie pool. She just jumped out and waddled over to the run trying to get close to those babies and didn't like that they were inside and she is outside.

 I later purchased two more ducklings. One is with these chicks that you see in the run. The other is inside the coop with the two Polish Top Hat chicks. The black duck (Batman) has a deformed leg due to a vitamin deficiency and has a difficult time walking around. For now Ill keep it with the little ones.

Its quite the job taking care of all these animals these days.  Every morning I have to let the hens out to free range, let the chicks and two ducks into the run, make sure they all have plenty of water (since ducks drink about a gallon a day) and I move the Top hats fromthe tiny brooder in the coop to the larger brooder in the coop with Batman. I make sure they all have food and water and then go on to work. In the afternoons I come home and let the ducks swim and before dark I have to move all the chickens back to their original places. It will be nice when they can all be together! 

Some days I love these creatures with all I have in me and other days, I want to get rid of all the animals and my belongings and just be alone! I guess that's life! 

Make Someone's Day

My 20 year old daughter is in Cosmetology school. 

Thursday night I was talking about how damaged my hair is from the flat iron and hair dryer. Not to mention the fact that my hair is falling out from rapid weight loss (which doesn't feel very rapid... given the fact that Ive not lost any weight in the last month and actually gained 2lbs) I asked if she could trim it up a bit. She did and it feels and looks so much healthier! 

It may not look different to most people but I decided to stop the teasing and stop using heat as much as possible on it. So its more natural and I feel like its very different. (the picture doesn't show it but I have colored it violet... it has a reddish-purplish tint to it... and that had nothing to do with Prince! I dyed it a few weeks ago) 

So Friday morning I ran into the grocery store before work to purchase some protein shakes for the day. The cashier said, "Your hair looks fabulous! I noticed you as you walked in the door on the other side of the store!"  That just made my day! 

I snapped the above photo when I got to my car. 

Take the time to compliment people! 

Make someone's day! 

If you notice something about them that you like..... tell them! 

Prince

I have always loved Prince! I was 14 in this picture and Im sure you can tell I was a HUGE Prince fan. I still love his music and cannot believe he is gone. Even in recent years Ive listened to my Prince CD and always will. He was an amazing musician and will forever be one of the best. 

One thing I love about him is he wasnt plastered all over tabloids for crazy sex scandals, drugs or anything like that. He was quiet and didnt have to claim to be one of the best....  we all knew it.

Its a sad day....

5 K Color Run

 One of my goals this year was to run a 5k (and run the entire thing) I didnt meet that goal but I did run about half the time. I signed up with a friend and we only had like three weeks to prepare, so I think we did pretty good.

 My family went to cheer me on, even though they could only see me start the race and finish it. All throughout the race we were sprayed with colorful powder and were covered by the end.

 I was not exhausted at the end which a big victory for me! We alternated running and walking. It was fun, and we will continue to train and sign up for another 5k in the future in hopes to eventually be able to run an entire 5k.