I am one of "those"

I have become one of "those" people. 

I work two jobs now. My full time job in the public school system in an Autism Classroom and 

two evenings a week I work with an Autistic teenager in his home. There is about two hours between jobs, so Ive started stopping by Starbucks and enjoying the aroma, the music and the coffee, and of course the free Wifi! 

Today I sit going back and forth from phone, to laptop in between sips of my Peppermint Mocha (a favorite of mine, next to Hazelnut coffees)  Neither are good for me and my weight loss. I had lost 84.5 pounds but when I weighed this morning as I do the 1st of every month, I had gained 2 pounds. Ive slacked on my working out for several reasons. 1) a very sick daughter 2) a very sick "me" 3) a little depression from various things going on in my life these days. 

One thing I know, is that weight loss makes you healthier, sometimes happier, and boosts your confidence but it does not fix all the mess on the inside. We all go through childhood traumas, teenage drama and situations with your own children as they grow and become their own person. In the midst of all that, we often have a jumbled up mess we need to deal with. (especially if you keep things bottled up inside like me) 

HEAVY SIGH ...... 

A few weeks ago I started a daily post on Facebook and Instagram #82daysofhappy 

in which I post something each day NO MATTER WHAT that makes me happy or that I am thankful for. Why 82 days? Well, that's how many days there were until the last day of the year. 

Ive done well with posting every day even though I have been dealing with several things which left me not so happy. It encourages me to look for something good in each day. I have tried to steer away from negative posts but I found myself posting something yesterday that seemed to catch some people's attention. I truly felt that 45 years of struggles were sitting on my chest all at once. 

I am considered middle aged now and I never thought Id go through things I am going through at this age and its hard sometimes. Last evening I received a phone call from a family member who was showing concern about my post. We went on to talk about other things and today when I was thinking about that, I realized I was shown several more things to be thankful for. 

I am thankful for family. They are usually there no matter what. Even when we live close and don't have the time to see each other, they are there when the rubber meets the road. When you really need them, they are there. Even when you cannot tell them everything that's going on in your life, you know they are there. 

Secondly, I realized there are so many things we all take for granted. 

My cousin went on a mission trip about 1.5 years ago to the Philippines. While there, he fell in love with a cute Filipino woman and he hasn't returned yet! They were married and have been doing so much paperwork to get her to the states to visit. In the mean time, my cousin is learning a while new way of life. They have no washing machines or dryers. They wash clothes in the river or go to a hand pump well  to gain access to water to wash their clothes. They climb trees for fruit to eat. They have no air conditioning in the midst of hot hot summers and when he was very sick with a severe ear infection he could not call the doctor and get an appointment that day. Its hard for us in the United States to remember that people live this way, but they do. 

In the midst of trouble and heartbreak I am thankful for family and for modern conveniences like washing machines and running water. 

Today, I am one of those people who sit in Starbucks and write about how thankful I am to have modern conveniences because just sitting here in Starbucks is a luxury.

On Being A Mother

 As far back as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mother. 

I wanted someone to love me and I wanted someone to love. 

I wanted to get married, have babies and raise them. I wanted to teach other children and love them.

 The few photos I have of me as a child I had a baby doll in my arms

or I was caring for my little sister.  I learned how to be a mother from my daddy, my aunts, and my grandmother.

One thing I will never regret is taking part in raising my little sister, having and raising my own four children and taking part in caring for so many other children along the way. 

The one thing I never knew, was how hard it would be to let them go. 

I never understood how hard it would be to say goodbye to my children as they started their own lives and didn't have time to call their Mom. 

I didn't know how hard it would be to be a mother. 

I didn't know how difficult it would be to make decisions for them or for myself that would make them angry at me or that might hurt them temporarily. 

I didn't know how painful it would be to me to see them hurt. 

I didn't know. Had I known, I wouldn't have changed anything. 

Ive loved being a caretaker, a mother and a sister. 

I'm a Groupie (aka Following Noah Guthrie)

 A few years ago I heard a new and upcoming artist on the radio. He started his career on You Tube! I listened to an interview and then heard him sing and that's when I was hooked! He has an unbelievable voice! I listened to Noah Guthrie on youtube. Since I liked his facebook page I see when shows are coming up and imagine my excitement to see he would be singing at the Midtown Music Festival in Raleigh (an hour from me)

 I was in heaven hearing him sing for an hour and half and then meeting him, having photos taken and purchasing a t shirt and CD. Two of my girls went with us. I was an awesome evening!

If you have never listened to Noah Guthrie sing, you must do it now!

Check out his youtube channel Only1Noah

Making Time for Family

We are so very busy (and so very tired) but we are making time for family by having a family dinner once a month. I was overjoyed that my son and daughter-in-law drove a few hours to come visit for the weekend. My daughter and her boyfriend and his daughter . 

(unfortunately we are missing one important person)

 but it was awesome to have

 this many with us. 

 My son brought his bike for us to see and ride.

 My Firefighter missed out on the rides, so she took a little "pretend" ride after it was loaded on the truck!

I love my children and pray that I never take them for granted. One this is for sure, I know how blessed we are that this handsome man is here with us. They complain because I take so many photos but I want to document all our memories. I love these kids so much and all the new family members just as much.

Our Family Has Grown!

Meet Kyle, my step son. He's 27 and lives in another state. 

I wont be sharing tons of details but what I will say is, we are so happy to be getting to know him. I have always known about him but he wasnt in our life. My husband decided to look for him after many years and we found him. We cant wait to meet face to face. 

My husband has two sons and three daughters! 

I have a step son that I couldn't be any more proud of if he were my own. He is smart and handsome like his Pops. We hope it wont be too long before he gets to come to NC to visit us. 

In other family news.... 

• we are preparing for prom. 
• we are preparing for 8th grad graduation of our baby girl. 
• we are preparing for high school graduation. 
• we are anxiously awaiting the return of our Marine.  *His return keeps getting extended.

Do you want to build a snowman?

 last year I bought a snowman kit, complete with eyes, carrot nose, hat, scarf buttons and a pipe!

 We never got to use it. I guess pipes arent very popular these days but the Frosty that I remember, had a pipe! My late Uncle Melvin used to smoke a pipe so I didnt mind the pipe so much. (My kids thought it was cool)

 Finally this year, we got enough snow to make a snowman! He would have been larger but the snow was covered in ice and hard to make a snowman out of. In fact, it started sleeting again while we were making Olaf.

 I didnt realize my setting were off on the camera so Im sure they would have been a little better than this but you can still see that hes pretty cute.

 It was the day before Valentines Day when we got our second blast of snow. It started on the 12th in the afternoon and then we got more on the 13th. (bye bye spring break!)

 It was nice to make snow cream, and other goodies during our two day snow storm. 

As I type this its February 15th and alot of snow has melted alreay. Its very windy and within 7 days we should be in the 70s!

Thinking

In my small town we have suffered great heartache in recent months. Five people have lost their lives (four of which were in car accidents) These were men and women in their 20's - 30's who were mothers/fathers, husbands/wives and beloved family members. Last night as I was driving home I saw yet another accident where someone had to be extrapolated from a vehicle and life flighted to a hospital. I don't know who that person is but it seems so overwhelming that this many young men and women would leave this Earth all too soon. Children are left with no father or mother and spouses are left with no husband or wife to help raise the children.

While accidents happen all the time it seems an overwhelming amount in our little town. As I thought about this last night I came to the conclusion that we should all see this as a message. Life is short, and we all have our time approaching as every day passes. We never know from moment to moment if we will be the next one to leave this Earth.

If you knew that today was your last day on the Earth, what would you do?

Would you work one more day? (I think not) Would you send one more text message? Would you clean the house one last time?

Or

Would you love your children and spend more time with them? Would you tell your husband or wife how much you love them? Would you pray more and make sure that your life is right with Jesus?

 I believe in heave and hell. I believe all our days are numbered and life is short and we should first and foremost make sure that we are living the life Jesus would want us to and secondly love our children and spouses, love your parents and never stop telling them and showing them for today might be your last opportunity.

More blogging and deployment

We have had a lot going on these days. School is back in session for my girls and I started a new job with the public school system and so much more. 

 

My son deployed to Afghanistan. (yes, they are still sending military there) 

I have had difficulty finding things to write about for awhile now but Im going to try to start back to blogging at least once a week. 

 

Unbelievable

 I cannot believe that these two are my last two children at home. 

Our Future Doctor will graduate high school this year.

 Our baby girl is growing up so quickly! 

Her big brother was amazed at how she has grown up since hes been

away from home.

I am a mother who always loved every day of my babies' childhood.

Small things like perfect tiny handprints on the windows always made me smile and I would put off cleaning them away because I loved seeing them. 

Even though I enjoyed every day it seems that it went way too fast. 

My baby girl will be in high school next year. 

Unbelievable! 

Fun with Family & Friends

 This weekend we had fun with family and friends. Its rare to have all 4 of my children together at the same time. It was a good day!

 We cooked hamburgers and hotdogs. We ate cheesecake and homemade banana pudding.

 We talked a lot, we laughed a lot.

 *below is a picture of my son and nephew.

 * Below is a photo of my son and the four boys that I used to have at my licensed daycare. 

My son always says these boys were his brothers.

 We watched children swim in the pool. It was a very good day. I wish I got more days like this with my son and his wife but Im thankful for the time I do get.

Family and friends make me happy. :)

First Day

 It was the first day of school. Its her senior year and I can hardly believe it. 

It seems like yesterday she was eating 42 jars of baby food a week and wearing cloth diapers. 

It seems like yesterday that she danced to every sound in the house (like the washing machine)

but in 9 months she will graduate high school.

It was the first day of school and baby girls final year of middle school.

Its a sweet thing to see them grow up, and be such beautiful young ladies but

its a sad thing to think about not having them at home with me when they move on with their own life. Its going to be a busy year! 

Family Resemblance

She's my beautiful baby girl and she isn't a baby any longer. 

Lat night we were sitting in the living room and I snapped the picture above. 

It was Easter when we were looking at these old photographs of my husbands family and I noticed the little girl that looked just like my baby girl.

 Its sort of hard to tell from the photo I took of the damaged photograph but can you see what we see?

She has always felt she doesn't look like the rest of us and has jokingly asked if she was adopted.

When she saw this, she thought we were playing a joke and had photo shopped her in! 

We didn't! This is her great great great grandma as a girl.

Its pretty amazing to see that you look like your relatives from so far back.

Heaven is as easy as ABC

(JoAnna and Harold)

JoAnna has left this Earth and is in heaven with our heavenly father and her Mother.

Please pray for her daddy, Harold, as he has endured losing his wife and daughter within 18 month of each other. 

Our only comfort at this time is in knowing that she was a Christian who had given her life to the Lord.  In thinking of this, I am reminded of so many times I have read Facebook posts from people who lose a loved one and automatically say "they are in heaven"

Death does not mean heaven automatically. 

A Christian is a person who has given his/her life in faith to Jesus Christ. Its as easy as ABC

All you need to do is ..
A-Ask Jesus to come into your heart and life
B-Believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins.
C-Confess your sins and turn from those ways knowing you are forgiven through the blood of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.

Being a Christina does not mean you are perfect. It does not mean that you wont stumble and fall sometimes but it means you have faith in Jesus Christ. I means that when you do fall, you humbly come to Jesus and ask for His forgiveness and strength to get through the tests and temptations.

JoAnna and Naomi were Christians and loved the Lord. 

I have no doubt that they are rejoicing together in the presence of our Heavenly Father.

Knowing this is comfort but it does not take away all pain from losing them on this Earth.

Please pray for Harold  during this difficult time, that God would give him all the strength.

 

In God's Hands

 Naomi (top left) was one of my favorite cousins. She always had a smile and a memorable laugh. She love the Lord. She loved her family. 18 months ago Naomi was murdered during a robbery at a family member's tire shop. It was a senseless act. Naomi left behind a daughter that she loves so much and a husband who loved her more than anything. 

Her husband, Harold, has been in poor health for awhile. He had a liver disease that required a transplant. JoAnna took good care of her daddy after her mothers passing. She took on responsibilities that no young woman should have to. JoAnna did all of the cooking, cleaning and paying bills while suffering herself. She had some health issues which included a liver disease like her father. In recent months she has been in and out of the hospital with several issues but with her weak liver, it has all worked against her body.

She needs a liver transplant but has been too sick to live through surgery and recovery.

JoAnna took this photo of herself in the hospital a month ago.

She is a beautiful 27 year old who loves the Lord and her family. 

Currently she is on life support. Her organs are shutting down now and her father (Lord, bless him) has made the decision to stop all medications and leave her life in God's hands.

Harold has suffered so much over the past few years. 

My heart aches for him. I cannot imagine saying goodbye to my spouse and less than 2 years later telling my only child goodbye.

Please pray for peace and comfort for my family during this sad time. 

I find peace in knowing that she is a Christian and will join her mother in heaven very soon.

24 Years later

 When we got married Pepsi was sold in tall glass bottles. It tasted better then. It was cold with the slightest bit of slushy ice on top. We were known to always have a Pepsi in hand while we were dating. Naturally, after we got married on the hottest day of the year we drove to a store and bought our Pepsi and then went back to the church to hang out with friends and family.

 I had been around him most of my life! We went to the same church and our families knew each other. We dated three years before getting married in the church we grew up in. Little did we know that our life ahead would not be an easy one.

 We have faced financial hardships, we have endured sickness and surgeries as well as the birth of four beautiful babies. We have laughed and cried and even yelled at each other.

 Life is never easy.  We have talked of going our separate ways at times, we have hurt each other but in the end we have always realized that we would never want to face all these things with anyone else.

Happy 24th anniversary to my Husband who works hard for our family and always makes me laugh.

Down Time

 Ive been pretty stressed lately during the week so the weekends I try and have some down time. 

This weekend I got a new hair style/cut.

 I also spent time with my girls at the pool being silly.

 I got sunburned when I fell asleep out there.

My baby girl's new IPod got dropped in the pool. Its in a bag of rice right now, thankful we got a warranty on it!!!!