Live life with no regrets!

 Above is the difference 70.5 lbs makes! 

Below is another photo of my mothers day piercing. Posted this for the reader who commented under my Mothers Day post!

Learning to like Myself

 For years Ive heard people say you will never truly be happy until you learn to love yourself. I never really understood what that meant. Throughout my weight loss journey Ive realized how I have always disliked myself and never felt good enough, never felt thin enough and never felt pretty enough. I didn't want to meet my husbands coworkers because I was fat. I didn't want to go out and do things because I was fat. Since losing a significant amount of weight I have realized I feel better, I'm happier and am not as self conscious. I have confidence! I have decided that i will no longer sit around the house doing nothing all the time. (though that is a good thing to do once in awhile)

This week I had lunch with an old friend from school. We went to elementary, Jr High and High School together! We caught up with each others lives and laughed and had so much fun. For once, I was not afraid to see an old friend or to pose for a photo. (though I did look at this and think, OMG I need a tan! )

 This week I hit a milestone in my journey! I have lost 70.5 lbs !!!!!   I am in a size 12 which is unbelievable to me!

I finally hit a point where I am happy with myself. No matter who is or isn't in my life, I'm happy with me and will go on with life enjoying it, loving it, learning more and doing more for others. I a finally happy with myself, I finally love myself no matter what. Now I understand the statement Ive heard from many people over the years.

Everything is the Same Except the Numbers on the Scale

Life has been moving on in recent weeks. I work full time in an elementary classroom with Autistic children. The end of the school year was busy and hectic. As all things do, it came to an end last week. I had hoped to have a position with the same children over the summer but that did not work out. I cannot afford to stay home all summer without pay so Im actively seeking a summer job and actively stressing!

I never expected weight loss to fix everything in my life. I just wanted to be healthier, feel better and look better. I have now lost 69.5 lbs and my weight loss is slow and becoming more of a challenge. I work out three times a week at a gym with a trainer. My eating has changed a bit and I need to concentrate more on getting in my protein and keeping sugar out of my diet. I also need to make sure I get the fluids in.

Here I sit, often thinking that maybe I did expect things to be a bit better with the weight loss. Everything is still the same (except the numbers on the scale)  I still look in the mirror and most days I still see a fat person. I still am not happy with myself and I realize that weight loss didnt change relationships around me. Everything is still the same, except the numbers on the scale.

I still have anxiety. I still have depression. I still struggle with my self image.

When you lose the weight you often find other problems. I dont like the loose skin on my thighs, or under my chin. I still stress over bills

Everything is the same except the numbers on the scale.

Sharing Clothes

Last year as I started my weight loss journey my daughter was getting rid of some clothes.

I took a few things and said, "Maybe one day Ill fit in these" 

Fast forward to now....  I was cleaning out my closet and saw those things I had taken from my daughter. I tried on this dress (a large) and it fit! 

Now it fits her way more lose than this did me but it fit, and was not too tight! 

Super excited! 

I dont feel fat anymore but I do not feel skinny or small. I still feel like a big girl, I guess I always will. I want to lose 25 more pounds. I also hope I can build up my clothing supply as I do not have enough pants to wear for a full work week! 

Ive gained a few pounds back (three to be exact) and Im trying to figure out what I need to do to break this stall Ive been in for the past month! 

For now, Ill enjoy the excitement over sharing clothes with my girls! 

Monthly Update......

 I have lost 63 lbs!  I work hard at getting the fluids in but dont always meet my goal. Its a struggle to get close to 1000 calories a day but when I do, I lose more!

 In two weeks I am going to run (or run/walk) a Color Run 5K with a friend. Ive been doing the Couch to 5K and have quickly learned I am no runner!  Especially since I have asthma and its allergy season!

Still doing Refit (like Zumba) 1-2 days a week and Couch to 5K the other days.  Feeling great about the changes! I want to lose about 25 more lbs!

The struggle is real.....  you tend to trade one issue (weight) for another (loose skin and saggy boobs)

If only I had the money for a tummy tuck and a lift!

On My Way

 Ive lost 57 pounds (counting from my highest weight) I went through my closet and I have three trash bags full of clothes I can no longer wear. Its great! But at the same time, I have hardly any clothes to wear!

 Today I wore this to church. Ive never worn pants on a Sunday morning to church but I have no dresses or skirts that fit me!

Tomorrow I start Couch to 5K training. I signed up for a 5K color run for next month! I might be crazy but signing up is the push I need to make me train.I need to exercise more than I have been. 

I go to Refit once a week. Sometimes I do weights and stair stepper at home but in the past few weeks Ive been slacking. 

Ive also been pretty down about a lot of things. Generally not happy with life even though I have a pretty good life. Mid life crisis maybe??? Side effects from surgery???  I don't know. I feel great about my weight loss,  just a lot going on in my brain these days. Hoping more training and exercise and concentrating on that will help. 

TRANSFORMATION TUESDAY

 I just found the above photo on my computer and had to compare to a recent photo.  BIG changes are taking place, and it feels great! Im 56 lbs down and I have about 30 more Id like to lose!

Weight Loss Update

 I started January at 211 lbs.  today I started February at 204 lbs. I really wanted to hit my first goal of 50lbs by today but that didn't happen. I continue the same diet but the weight loss is going slow. I am now working out every day of the week but struggling with my water intake. Over the weekend I went clothes shopping and was so happy to find I'm 3 sizes down!

I'm tired of dressing in over sized frumpy clothes! I'm losing weight, feeling better and will dress accordingly! I go back in three weeks to meet with my surgeon and I really hope I lose quite a bit more by then! Id love to walk in 60lbs lower ! 

 

What I Wore Wednesday

 My photo quality is not so good this week and Ive yet to figure out the best way to participate !(since I don't own a full length mirror and I just couldn't get anyone at home to take a picture of me) So, I took my own pictures in front of my shower curtain (which looks a little busy in these photos) and in the first one, you can see part of a sweet note my husband wrote me on my mirror!

 This week, I wore this pink top which was purchased at Catos. I love the lace at the bottom of the shirt. I also wore a pink shirt underneath. I cannot remember where I got the large heart necklace but its a favorite of mine.

 As I participate in this blog hop with The Pleated Poppy Blog, not only am I sharing "what I wore" but I can also see my weight loss!

 I had on gray pants that I purchased about 6 months ago (and was never able to wear! When I purchased them, they were too small but I can wear them now!

 I had pink chevron socks along with black baby doll shoes.

Won Ton Nachos

Since having my VSG , I am on soft foods (being six weeks out) and need to consume a lot of protein. I also need to stay away from carbs (chips) so, an alternative to chips is won ton wrappers! 

I have been looking everywhere for them and finally found them! I placed the wrappers in my Pampered Chef brownie pan and then I added ricotta cheese, fat free refried beans, cheddar cheese, (some had a sliced jalapaneo) and I baked them until the edged of the wrappers were brown and the cheese was melted. I topped them with salsa. 

I was able to eat two (leaving a little on my plate) I felt full and satisfied.  The ricotta cheese is packed full of protein! The beans and cheese contain my needed protein as well.

My family ate some of these as well but I did make a large pan of nachos, taco meat, refried beans and cheese for them.  

*note* that is a really small plate I have my won ton nachos on. I try to use small plates because placing small amounts on a large plate looks so sad. 

2016 Weigh In

Since I began my weight loss journey one year ago.... Ive lost 38lbs.

 I have a ways to go and I'm not giving up until I meet my goal! I will try to post updates monthly and then compare in one year to see my progress. I'm learning that photos are a MUST because many times when the scale shows no loss, you see a difference in photos. 

My struggle right now.... is getting in enough fluids. My goal is 64 ounces of fluids but currently I'm getting in about half of what I need. I work towards my goal daily and will be happy when I can meet that goal without a struggle! 

Pre Op Diet begins

This weekend was my "last meal" or shall I say "meals"  Friday night my husband and I went out to eat at my favorite place, Texas Roadhouse! I enjoyed the rolls,an appetizer, salad, baby back ribs, and a loaded baked potato. I was stuffed!  Saturday I saw that the McRib is back at McDonalds and I love those! I got one of those also. Tonight, we went to LaCocina Mexican Restaurant. Oh my goodness I ate way too much this weekend and it made me feel awful! For the past 7 months Ive changed the way I eat, Ive been taking in 64 oz of water a day and exercising. I decided to go all out this weekend since Monday (tomorrow) I start my pre op diet. 

My surgeon put me on a two week diet but since Thursday will be exactly two weeks before surgery, I decided to start the diet on Monday. 

Here's is how it will go: 

For 1.5 weeks I will have a protein shake (mixed with water) for breakfast. Three hours later a protein bar, a few hours later another shake, three hours later another protein bar. Then, for dinner I will have a lean meat (the size of the palm of my hand) and a green vegetable.

For the week before surgery I can have protein shakes only through out the day. Clear liquids only for the 24 hours before surgery. 

Tonight I will do my measurements and weight (here at home) I hope to lose 10-15 lbs while on the pre op diet to really boost my weight loss and metabolism. 

I purchased Bariatric Advantage for my protein shakes and BA bars and crisps for the snacks. In addition I purchase Isopure and soups with a lot of protein for after surgery. 

I'm excited about this new adventure. My children are not sure what to think. My youngest said my hugs wont be the same anymore once I lose weight. That made me sad but I know I'm doing this for my health, so Ill be happier with myself and live longer around my children and family. 

Ill try to blog a little about how my pre op diet is going. I'm not even sure if anyone is reading this blog. I have told very few friends about my surgery. I don't want to hear the negative comments so its better that I keep it to myself.

Frustration with myself and insurance companies

I am feeling very frustrated yet again (and I haven't even had the surgery yet) I talk to a lot of people whom I know, who have had various types of WLS and all of them say they DID NOT attempt to lose before surgery. However, Ive been determined to do what the surgeon suggested, and I have. Am I losing? Only a few pounds in six months.  

I eat 5-6 times a day. An average day goes like this: 

7:00 yogurt or boiled egg, coffee
10:00 protein shake
12:30 lunch I I always take my lunch to work. Today I had a small salad topped with cottage cheese and pineapple. small cup of soup the cafeteria gave us and a cup of yogurt. After I ate that I felt full and guilty... as if I over indulged! 
3:30 (I'm supposed to have another shake but I have only been drinking water about this time) 
6:00 Dinner (usually from the book, Eating to live.)

I strive to take in 64 oz of water a day but I'm not hitting the mark on that :( That makes me feel badly as well. I (hopefully) will be having surgery within 4 weeks and I still haven't been able to create the habit of drinking all my water. 

So, right now I feel my amounts are too large and my water intake is not enough. I am frustrated with myself. 

Next week I have my pre-op appointment and will choose a surgery date. While that is exciting, I'm frustrated as well because Ive been waiting for MONTHS to get my CPAP which is required to have before surgery and I keep getting the run around. I was called today to tell me that the place that Ill be getting my equipment from is still trying to verify my insurance and figure out what they will pay and they are also waiting on ANOTHER signature from my sleep specialist. I'm beginning to worry that they wont have my CPAP to me by the time surgery rolls around. 

I also find myself wanting to indulge more in the foods I love BEFORE surgery since I know that surgery is a life changer.

Approved!

I got the call today that my insurance APPROVED me for VSG!  I have a pre-op appointment in two weeks and will schedule my surgery during that appointment. (provided I have the money that is due up front) Apparently my previous insurance denied payment for my Nutritionist visit even though they required me to go to that appointment?! I have to pay for that visit and the required amount from my surgeon. Both total about $500

I am guessing that surgery will be around the third week of November (right before Thanksgiving)

Whoop Whoop! 

Im ready! 

Waiting for my new life

I started a new job and that means I have new insurance. I completed my six visits with the surgeon, and I gave them my new insurance information (even though Ive yet to receive a card) I'm waiting for them to verify the insurance. Once its verified they will review what that insurance requires and make sure Ive completed everything. (I have no doubt that I have since my new insurance requires less than the previous insurance) Once that is complete, they schedule a Pre-Op appointment for me. During that appointment they write prescriptions, schedule surgery and explain the two week liver shrinking diet (which is mostly liquid) Then, Ill have surgery!

I should get a call any day for me to go pick up the CPAP machine and I cant wait because I'm tired all the time! (even though Ive changed my eating, I drink more water and exercise! )

I haven't told many about my choice for surgery. I simply don't want to hear all the questions or negative comments. When you tell people they tell you about others who had it and got sick, died or gained all their weight back. Or you hear people say, you don't look that over weight, why don't you just eat right? I don't want to explain that I'm 100lbs over weight and that I am tired of yoyo dieting and I'm doing this for my health and self esteem. I'm sure eventually Ill have to tell people but for now.... I'm not. I'm just anxiously awaiting surgery and my new life.

 above: vacation in florida  Below: Im in the purple. Thats a photo that just made me sick, yep its me. Size 2x shirt

Bump in the Road

I'm almost there but of course with my luck Ive hit a bump in the road. I was hesitant to change jobs right now but it was the right thing to do. I did not expect my former job to drop my insurance on my last day of work. That means that from Sept 4 to Oct 1 I have no insurance. I have one more weight check to complete. The way my former insurance works, is that I must complete 6 monthly visits consecutively. Ive got to find out how much the visit will be out of pocket without insurance.

I cannot get my CPAP until the new insurance kicks in, and I have to have that before surgery is scheduled.

Ill be signing up for insurance this week but wont have insurance until Oct 1. I don't know the details of my insurance but Ive heard that its easier.... in other words they probably don't require the 6 monthly visits. But then again, I wont know until Oct 1 and I cannot wait until then to find out because if they do require it, Ill have to have a visit in September anyway.

What a mess. I'm frustrated but not giving up. Still working on water and protein intake and I start Refit this week. Not to mention my new job is so much more active than what I have been. (that's good!)

4 of 5 (update on Gastric Sleeve Process)

I am 9lbs down and getting closer to my BIG DAY!

I met with my surgeon Monday and he is pushing more for me to start exercising so that's going to happen real soon! Ill be going on vacation soon but as soon as return I will be hitting the new eating plan hard!

I had a second visit with the Psychiatrist and while she wants to follow up with me in a few weeks, she did send my clearance letter! Whoop Whoop!

All I need to do now is complete a second sleep study/Titration and get set up with a cpap and complete two more visits (August and September) That's when they send for approval from insurance. Once approval comes, Ill meet with the surgeon for pre op, meet with finance dept and schedule surgery. Surgery will be after a two week liquid diet (to shrink the liver) That is the part I dread the MOST!!!!

Life has a way...........

Life has a way of getting you down sometimes. 

I dont want to ask, "What else can happen?" because it surely will! 

We lived without water for two days this week. We finally discovered that the wiring to our well had broke in half. It cost a few hundred dollars and a lot of work (and a day off) for my husband. Thankfully, we were able to walk over to the inlaws house and take showers. 

We went to a new dentist recently and was told my youngest had 16 cavities and her new braces needed to be removed for all the work to be done. This would cost thousands of dollars. I opted for a second opinion. My husband had to take another day off and he took her to the Orthodontist to have the wire removed (not all braces) then to a new dentist for the exam and back to the Orthodontist to have the wire put back on. The second opinion? She has NO cavities between her teeth! She has two on molars and can be taken care of with the braces on. Thankful that I had common sense enough to go for a second opinion. 

Its been over 100 degrees for weeks and I have had little to no air in my truck. You do what you have to do right?

As for my weight loss journey.....  Ive been excited about this for three months and with everything else beating me down I guess it was time for me to come off my high.... I looked at myself and thought, "why is it taking surgery for you to lose weight and keep it off resulting in better health?"  

Right now Im tired physically and emotionally, Im stressed about finances, health and work issues. Im just worn down and need a break, a vacation just time off from LIFE.

Bad Fall

Seriously its been a tough few months! Last week I tripped at work on the sidewalk and felt strait on my elbow! Im pretty sure I bruised the bone. I can use it and Im not limited in doing anything its just painful to touch it!

In other news..... I completed my third weight check.  I am also waiting on a call to schedule my second sleep study with a cpap machine.

In July Ill finish my Psychiatrist visits and have my 4th weight check! Ive lost about 5 lbs in the past few months (better than nothing)

Im trying so hard to consume 64 oz of water a day, eat six times a day (smaller amounts) and now need to add exercising to the mix!

Sleep Study Complete

I have not seen the results but online I see Im listed as having "Sleep Disturbance"  Whatever that means. Im waiting to hear back from my doctor. 

Tomorrow I see the Psychiatrist, who is supposed to talk to me and decide if she things Im emotionally and mentally ready for a lifetime change. I am pretty sure I am. I read everything I can about the procedure and life afterwards. Im a member of several support groups on Facebook and read people post about struggles and triumphs since surgery. I know its a total lifestyle change and Im ready for that! I am told that this Psychiatrist requires two visits. (most require one) 

Once I am done with the psychiatrist, I will be finished with all the required doctor appointments except for my monthly weight checks with my surgeon. Those visits will be complete at the end of September. 

In the mean time, I am getting through my work week (and trying to save up sick time) preparing for a visit from my step son and a vacation to Florida (at the beginning of August) 
Hopefully if things keep going smoothly, Ill have surgery at the beginning of October (four months away!)