Goals and Struggles

I am 5 months post op.  

My hair is falling out. This is common when you lose weight rapidly. I mostly notice the hair falling out when Im in the shower. I hope this is going to stop soon. I take Biotin daily to help with hair regrowth.  

I still struggle with vitamin intake. I hate the taste of chewables and I cannot take large pills. I will keep searching until I find the right one for me. 

I have been working on the Couch to 5K program. I am no runner! But Ive been working hard at running/walking and building up my stamina. Saturday I will be in a Color Run with a friend. I know I wont run the whole thing but I hope to run more than I walk! 

I also do Refit (like Zumba) once a week. Exercise is something NEW to me. Ive never liked it much but its growing on me. 

I struggle to get enough calories in.... my goal is 1,000 calories a day. Today was the first day that I got in 1,000 calories. 

I have 25 more lbs to lose. Im in another stall. Stalls are frustrating but it happens and most times your body is changing in other ways when it isnt losing pounds. 

I am more confident now, I dont feel fat anymore but I need to meet my goal to lose a total of 89 lbs. 

I wanted to blog about more than weight loss but my life has been so crazy and work is so busy I havnt had the energy to blog about anything else.

Fastly Approaching

Things are moving faster now (thankfully) I was super upset to hear I was going to have to pay $800 out of pocket for a CPAP and they required me to use the CPAP for the surgery! I didnt have the money! Long story short (and many phone calls later) the CPAP coordinator offered to let me borrow a CPAP to get me through surgery. 

Surgery is scheduled November 19th! 

In one week my husband and I will go out for the weekend and Ill have a big "last" meal at my favorite place. Then, Ill start the liquid diet  (for two 1/2 weeks)

Not looking forward to the liquid diet but excited about surgery! I never thought Id be excited about a surgery but Im ready for this LIFE CHANGE. 

For anyone who thinks this is the easy way out.... its definitely not easy and Im just beginning! 

Frustration with myself and insurance companies

I am feeling very frustrated yet again (and I haven't even had the surgery yet) I talk to a lot of people whom I know, who have had various types of WLS and all of them say they DID NOT attempt to lose before surgery. However, Ive been determined to do what the surgeon suggested, and I have. Am I losing? Only a few pounds in six months.  

I eat 5-6 times a day. An average day goes like this: 

7:00 yogurt or boiled egg, coffee
10:00 protein shake
12:30 lunch I I always take my lunch to work. Today I had a small salad topped with cottage cheese and pineapple. small cup of soup the cafeteria gave us and a cup of yogurt. After I ate that I felt full and guilty... as if I over indulged! 
3:30 (I'm supposed to have another shake but I have only been drinking water about this time) 
6:00 Dinner (usually from the book, Eating to live.)

I strive to take in 64 oz of water a day but I'm not hitting the mark on that :( That makes me feel badly as well. I (hopefully) will be having surgery within 4 weeks and I still haven't been able to create the habit of drinking all my water. 

So, right now I feel my amounts are too large and my water intake is not enough. I am frustrated with myself. 

Next week I have my pre-op appointment and will choose a surgery date. While that is exciting, I'm frustrated as well because Ive been waiting for MONTHS to get my CPAP which is required to have before surgery and I keep getting the run around. I was called today to tell me that the place that Ill be getting my equipment from is still trying to verify my insurance and figure out what they will pay and they are also waiting on ANOTHER signature from my sleep specialist. I'm beginning to worry that they wont have my CPAP to me by the time surgery rolls around. 

I also find myself wanting to indulge more in the foods I love BEFORE surgery since I know that surgery is a life changer.

Approved!

I got the call today that my insurance APPROVED me for VSG!  I have a pre-op appointment in two weeks and will schedule my surgery during that appointment. (provided I have the money that is due up front) Apparently my previous insurance denied payment for my Nutritionist visit even though they required me to go to that appointment?! I have to pay for that visit and the required amount from my surgeon. Both total about $500

I am guessing that surgery will be around the third week of November (right before Thanksgiving)

Whoop Whoop! 

Im ready! 

Waiting for my new life

I started a new job and that means I have new insurance. I completed my six visits with the surgeon, and I gave them my new insurance information (even though Ive yet to receive a card) I'm waiting for them to verify the insurance. Once its verified they will review what that insurance requires and make sure Ive completed everything. (I have no doubt that I have since my new insurance requires less than the previous insurance) Once that is complete, they schedule a Pre-Op appointment for me. During that appointment they write prescriptions, schedule surgery and explain the two week liver shrinking diet (which is mostly liquid) Then, Ill have surgery!

I should get a call any day for me to go pick up the CPAP machine and I cant wait because I'm tired all the time! (even though Ive changed my eating, I drink more water and exercise! )

I haven't told many about my choice for surgery. I simply don't want to hear all the questions or negative comments. When you tell people they tell you about others who had it and got sick, died or gained all their weight back. Or you hear people say, you don't look that over weight, why don't you just eat right? I don't want to explain that I'm 100lbs over weight and that I am tired of yoyo dieting and I'm doing this for my health and self esteem. I'm sure eventually Ill have to tell people but for now.... I'm not. I'm just anxiously awaiting surgery and my new life.

 above: vacation in florida  Below: Im in the purple. Thats a photo that just made me sick, yep its me. Size 2x shirt

Bump in the Road

I'm almost there but of course with my luck Ive hit a bump in the road. I was hesitant to change jobs right now but it was the right thing to do. I did not expect my former job to drop my insurance on my last day of work. That means that from Sept 4 to Oct 1 I have no insurance. I have one more weight check to complete. The way my former insurance works, is that I must complete 6 monthly visits consecutively. Ive got to find out how much the visit will be out of pocket without insurance.

I cannot get my CPAP until the new insurance kicks in, and I have to have that before surgery is scheduled.

Ill be signing up for insurance this week but wont have insurance until Oct 1. I don't know the details of my insurance but Ive heard that its easier.... in other words they probably don't require the 6 monthly visits. But then again, I wont know until Oct 1 and I cannot wait until then to find out because if they do require it, Ill have to have a visit in September anyway.

What a mess. I'm frustrated but not giving up. Still working on water and protein intake and I start Refit this week. Not to mention my new job is so much more active than what I have been. (that's good!)

I keep telling myself.....

I was looking through vacation photos and looked at this one of my girls and I at Dr Seuss Landing and Im disgusted at myself. I keep telling myself this is a BEFORE photo. Surgery should be in October. Im angry at myself for even being where I am right now.

4 of 5 (update on Gastric Sleeve Process)

I am 9lbs down and getting closer to my BIG DAY!

I met with my surgeon Monday and he is pushing more for me to start exercising so that's going to happen real soon! Ill be going on vacation soon but as soon as return I will be hitting the new eating plan hard!

I had a second visit with the Psychiatrist and while she wants to follow up with me in a few weeks, she did send my clearance letter! Whoop Whoop!

All I need to do now is complete a second sleep study/Titration and get set up with a cpap and complete two more visits (August and September) That's when they send for approval from insurance. Once approval comes, Ill meet with the surgeon for pre op, meet with finance dept and schedule surgery. Surgery will be after a two week liquid diet (to shrink the liver) That is the part I dread the MOST!!!!

Sleep Study Complete

I have not seen the results but online I see Im listed as having "Sleep Disturbance"  Whatever that means. Im waiting to hear back from my doctor. 

Tomorrow I see the Psychiatrist, who is supposed to talk to me and decide if she things Im emotionally and mentally ready for a lifetime change. I am pretty sure I am. I read everything I can about the procedure and life afterwards. Im a member of several support groups on Facebook and read people post about struggles and triumphs since surgery. I know its a total lifestyle change and Im ready for that! I am told that this Psychiatrist requires two visits. (most require one) 

Once I am done with the psychiatrist, I will be finished with all the required doctor appointments except for my monthly weight checks with my surgeon. Those visits will be complete at the end of September. 

In the mean time, I am getting through my work week (and trying to save up sick time) preparing for a visit from my step son and a vacation to Florida (at the beginning of August) 
Hopefully if things keep going smoothly, Ill have surgery at the beginning of October (four months away!)

Rough few weeks

The past few weeks have been challenging to say the least. I scratched my eye while caring for my chickens! That took a week or two to heal completely. I had a stomach virus which made it nearly impossible to keep any food down for four days. Of course, once I could eat..... I wanted to eat everything in sight. I started feeling better last Friday afternoon but on Saturday I woke to a painful neck. That got worse and on day three I went to the doctor for x-rays. I had a very swollen muscle that was pressing on the nerve. I was given Prednisone. Ive never taken that before and I never want it again! 

On the second night of taking the steroids I had terrible reflux and began feeling as if the pills were stuck in my chest. I walked the house, drank water, nibbled on something, all in attempt to make the pills move or to feel some comfort. It didnt help. I started to worry as I remembered about a similar situation with a former coworker who felt this same way and she died in the night of a heart attack! I started itching all over and decided to get in the shower. I stood in the warm shower scratching and crying and holding my chest.It was terrible! Slowly it eased a little but I felt that lump (pain) in my chest for about 24 hours! I stopped taking the medication. On Friday i felt like I was starving all day and got way off my eating plan. 

Then I had to go to my sleep study. That wasnt fun. I have no issues falling asleep but the wires were uncomfortable and the knowing that there was a camera watching me and a nurse in the other room watching me all night just didnt make for easy sleep. 

Oh well......  Im praying that the next few weeks are far easier than my last few weeks! 

Sleep Study is Over

 It wasnt a comfortable night but its over. I guess Ill hear back through my doctor about the results. I was tired all day yesterday trying to make up for lost sleep or not resting as well (I guess)

Now I have to visit a Psychiatrist (required by insurance) and 4 more monthly visits with my doctor.
Still working on taking in enough fluids daily, eating 6 times a day which includes a lot of protein and less sugar.

I made it!

1) I made this yummy dinner for the family. I merged two recipes from the book Ive been using, Eating for Life. I cooked chicken breast, bell peppers, purple onions, squash in a pan with curry powder, pink salt, cayenne pepper, basil. I drained and warmed up corn with no salt and black beans. Then, we warmed wheat tortillas and put the chicken mixture on top, sprinkled beans and corn with a little cheese, salsa and sour cream on top! So good!


2) I made it to my Nutritionist appointment. Ive been doing most of what she had to tell me! Ive lost 5 lbs and only  few more appointments and Ill be done!

3) I made it through the day after seeing a doctor about my neck pain. Strained muscle was inflamed and pressing on nerves. Steroids and pain meds are making a HUGE difference!

On my way

Last week I checked a lot of things off my list when I went to an appointment at the local hospital for and EKG, Labwork, Chest XRay and UpperGI tests.

Next week I see the surgeon for the second time.

I have stopped drinking sodas and increased my water intake. Ive consumed up to 64 oz in a day but thats not an average day.  I consume a very small amount of caffeine and am trying to limit my sugar intake. I now eat six times a day (as instructed by my doctor) in small amounts and a lot of protein.

Making this choice for surgery is not taking the easy way out. Its a lot of hard work, breaking habits, eating a different way, and  exercising, Surgery is simply a tool to help me lose a little faster but with the same hard work!

My Support System

He supports my decision to lose weight this way and get healthier! 

That means alot! 

 

My Choice

I know quite a few people who have had the Gastric Bypass. This is where the surgeon cuts part of the stomach out and makes a smaller pouch and then he will reroute or bypass part of the intestines to reduce absorption of nutrients. This is a major surgery and limits the amount and types of foods that you can eat (for the rest of your life) For example, most can no longer eat any sugar in addition to other foods. I DO NOT WANT THIS TYPE OF SURGERY! I don't think I need this one. 

I have chosen the Gastric Sleeve. This is a newer surgery that some surgeons are doing. The sleeve's results are comparable to the Gastric Bypass but its less invasive with shorter hospital stay and shorter recovery time. It also has less side effects. 

After explaining to my surgeon that these were the reasons I wanted the sleeve over other options, he agreed that those facts were correct and that the sleeve would be his suggestion for me as well. 

 

EMOTIONS

Today I had my consultation with the Bariatric Surgeon. I was excited until the moment I left work and drove towards the doctor's office, then I got nervous. (butterflies and all!) I arrived and walked towards the entrance of the office and saw someone I knew.  (The office is located at an Orthopaedic Office) I, then, felt embarrassed. She asked if I was hurt and was that why I was there. I just said no, I'm fine and went on about my way. LOTS OF EMOTIONS!

No sooner than I sat in the waiting room I was called to the back. I was weighed (heavy sigh)  height measured, and blood pressure taken. I was explained all the hoops I have to jump through.... such as talking to a Nutritionist, a Psychologist, having a sleep study, and meeting with a doctor who will monitor my weight and help guide me to a healthier eating habit and style of living.

My Surgeon was amazing! He was friendly and talkative. He wanted to know why I wanted this procedure and he talked to me about the side effects and ways it will change my life. Today was also my first appointment for weight monitoring so I have five months to get all tests completed and submitted to my insurance company before surgery is scheduled.

My husband went with me today. He is nervous about me going through surgery, so he had questions. We talked to our children about the surgery and then I decided it was time to tell the first person (outside of this house) and I called my dad.

He thinks it is a big decision but is fully supportive of it.

Im on my way to thinner, happier, healthier ME!!!!

Setting Monthly Goals

Over the next six months I will be making months goals for myself such as......
drink less soda and then drink no soda, drink more water, reduce sugar intake, stop consuming sugar, and exercise daily. Even though my first appointment with the Bariatric Specialist isn't until Wednesday, I intend to begin my first goal of drinking less soda, on Monday. I don't consume as much as I used to but I still consume soda and that has to stop!

Ill soon be taking my "Before" photo

In the past Ive taken so many before photos only to not lose weight and feel horrible about myself later.

 Last year I completed the Dirty Girl Mud Run.

 It was difficult but I did it. I had this grand plan to lose weight and be able to run the entire thing this year....... guess what? Not happening! Ive gained weight and don't think Id even be able to complete the run this year. NEXT YEAR, I WILL FINISH IT AND HOPEFULLY ILL RUN THE ENTIRE THING !  (I have learned that I appear much skinnier when a photo is taken from the front, like the one above)

Y'all don't know how hard it is to publicly post these photos of me but I'm doing it because I know I'm on the road to a thinner and healthier me.

On Monday April 27th (the day that this will post)  I will begin working on my goal to drink less soda (cut back to one a week) and consume more water.

And so my journey begins!!!!!!!!

My Journey Begins

 My History

For several years I have been interested in weight loss surgery. Ive been overweight for many years, many in my family are overweight and this comes with health problems. I have tried Weight Watchers, Myfitnesspal , smoothies and other various ways to lose weight and I never lose more than 10-12lbs. I am at my all time weight high and feel awful about myself. I am very self conscience and hate photos of myself. Like most over weight women, I attempt to find clothes to "cover up" the fat.  One year ago as I was driving to work I listened to a local radio personality, Erica, discuss her journey she was beginning with weight loss surgery. I have listened and watched her as I thought in the back of my mind that I would "one day" like to undergo surgery for weight loss. A few months ago I hit a point in which I was unhappy with what I looked like and how I felt and realized I need to stop putting it off. 

I started my journey by researching various kinds of surgery. I only knew of two kinds. (Gastric Bypass and Lapband) but while listening to Erica, I learned about the Gastric Sleeve. 

The Beginning of My Journey

My journey began when I decided that I NEED to do this. I looked up the requirements on my insurance and discovered what doctors were in network. Then, I looked up those doctors online and did a little research on their website. I learned that I had to attend an informational session that taught about the different types of weight loss surgery and what I needed to talk to my insurance company about. I was happy to learn that I could attend the session online (they also offer one in person but the online session was better for me) Once I completed that session I had to type in a code that I was given and I was emailed a certificate of completion. The following day I called my insurance company with specific questions. Within a few days the surgeon's office called me to let me know that they would be verifying my insurance benefits and once that was confirmed they could schedule my first appointment. In the mean time I continued to research the various types of surgery and learn about the benefits and the disadvantages/complications of each type of surgery. One week later the surgeons office called me and said my benefits were verified and they scheduled my first appointment with them. (Which is in 1 1/2 weeks) 

How Am I Feeling?

I am anxious. I wish I could schedule surgery and just do it right away but this is a process. My insurance company requires six months of medical weight documentation. During the six months I will attempt (once again) to lose weight with diet and exercise with the guidance of a medical doctor. Of course Ill learn more about the process at my first appointment. 

I am excited. I am happy to begin this journey that I have thought about for years now. I am reading and watching others on their journey and talking to friends that have gone through the process.
   
I am guarded. I know that many look at others who have gone through weight loss surgery and say "They took the easy way" or " they are too lazy to do it the right way"  I know how it is viewed by many so I'm not talking to many about this journey just yet. Of course I talk to my husband and my children. I talk to one coworker who has had weight loss surgery. As I get further in to this journey I will tell more people. I do intend to blog about the journey from now until a long time afterwards. 

 
  I will share my thoughts and feelings about this along the way. I will share what I learn from reading and talking to professionals but I am no doctor so please do NOT read what I write and mistake it for medical information. If you have questions about weight loss surgery, see a professional.If you have questions about my personal experience, please email me!

Im back!

Im wondering if I have any readers who will find me on this blog again? If you are there, let me know! I had been thinking about blogging again but then my computer crashed. I recently got another one and have a lot going on in life and in my little brain and writing often helps me. So here I am, Im back!

For 22 years now I have lived my life for my kids. I have spent every hour and moment on them and many times have overlooked myself. I think its time to put a little effort on "me" I have gained so much weight and I feel terrible physically and emotionally. Im self conscious and over all, just dont like what I look like and how I feel. A few months back I started using MyfitnessPal. Its a great app if you stick with it! it helps you see the amount of sugar, sodium etc.. you are consuming and tells you when you consume too much. I lost a few pounds and then Valentines rolled around and there was junk food everywhere and that was that.

I hit a point today that something must be done. I feel terrible, when I gain weight my asthma kicks in. I cant breathe well, acid reflux is in full swing day and night, and Im tired all the time. I hate this!
Once again I will start working on losing weight but Im also checking in to gastric surgery. I know there are a lot of different versions out there but for now Im gathering information and Im going to visit a specialist and talk to them about me and if its right for me.

I am at my all time weight high and an emotional low.

Here goes nothing!