Learning to like Myself

 For years Ive heard people say you will never truly be happy until you learn to love yourself. I never really understood what that meant. Throughout my weight loss journey Ive realized how I have always disliked myself and never felt good enough, never felt thin enough and never felt pretty enough. I didn't want to meet my husbands coworkers because I was fat. I didn't want to go out and do things because I was fat. Since losing a significant amount of weight I have realized I feel better, I'm happier and am not as self conscious. I have confidence! I have decided that i will no longer sit around the house doing nothing all the time. (though that is a good thing to do once in awhile)

This week I had lunch with an old friend from school. We went to elementary, Jr High and High School together! We caught up with each others lives and laughed and had so much fun. For once, I was not afraid to see an old friend or to pose for a photo. (though I did look at this and think, OMG I need a tan! )

 This week I hit a milestone in my journey! I have lost 70.5 lbs !!!!!   I am in a size 12 which is unbelievable to me!

I finally hit a point where I am happy with myself. No matter who is or isn't in my life, I'm happy with me and will go on with life enjoying it, loving it, learning more and doing more for others. I a finally happy with myself, I finally love myself no matter what. Now I understand the statement Ive heard from many people over the years.

Meatless Chili (with Lentils)

For a long time I have heard about THE HEALTH BENEFITS OF LENTILS but I confess, Ive never cooked or eaten them. Since beginning this weight loss journey, I have been looking up new and healthy recipes to try. Tonight I made Lentil Chili.

I soaked dry lentils in water over night and then cooked them on low in my crockpot all day while I was at work.  When I got home, I added a large can of tomato sauce, a can of diced tomatoes with green chilis, a chili seasoning packet and some dried onion flakes. I let it cook in the crockpot for about 20 minutes.

We ate this with a LITTLE brown rice, some cheddar cheese and a small amount of sour cream.

You must try it and don't forget to read about the BENEFITS OF LENTILS! We will be eating more of these in our house.

Pre Op Diet begins

This weekend was my "last meal" or shall I say "meals"  Friday night my husband and I went out to eat at my favorite place, Texas Roadhouse! I enjoyed the rolls,an appetizer, salad, baby back ribs, and a loaded baked potato. I was stuffed!  Saturday I saw that the McRib is back at McDonalds and I love those! I got one of those also. Tonight, we went to LaCocina Mexican Restaurant. Oh my goodness I ate way too much this weekend and it made me feel awful! For the past 7 months Ive changed the way I eat, Ive been taking in 64 oz of water a day and exercising. I decided to go all out this weekend since Monday (tomorrow) I start my pre op diet. 

My surgeon put me on a two week diet but since Thursday will be exactly two weeks before surgery, I decided to start the diet on Monday. 

Here's is how it will go: 

For 1.5 weeks I will have a protein shake (mixed with water) for breakfast. Three hours later a protein bar, a few hours later another shake, three hours later another protein bar. Then, for dinner I will have a lean meat (the size of the palm of my hand) and a green vegetable.

For the week before surgery I can have protein shakes only through out the day. Clear liquids only for the 24 hours before surgery. 

Tonight I will do my measurements and weight (here at home) I hope to lose 10-15 lbs while on the pre op diet to really boost my weight loss and metabolism. 

I purchased Bariatric Advantage for my protein shakes and BA bars and crisps for the snacks. In addition I purchase Isopure and soups with a lot of protein for after surgery. 

I'm excited about this new adventure. My children are not sure what to think. My youngest said my hugs wont be the same anymore once I lose weight. That made me sad but I know I'm doing this for my health, so Ill be happier with myself and live longer around my children and family. 

Ill try to blog a little about how my pre op diet is going. I'm not even sure if anyone is reading this blog. I have told very few friends about my surgery. I don't want to hear the negative comments so its better that I keep it to myself.

Bad Fall

Seriously its been a tough few months! Last week I tripped at work on the sidewalk and felt strait on my elbow! Im pretty sure I bruised the bone. I can use it and Im not limited in doing anything its just painful to touch it!

In other news..... I completed my third weight check.  I am also waiting on a call to schedule my second sleep study with a cpap machine.

In July Ill finish my Psychiatrist visits and have my 4th weight check! Ive lost about 5 lbs in the past few months (better than nothing)

Im trying so hard to consume 64 oz of water a day, eat six times a day (smaller amounts) and now need to add exercising to the mix!

I made it!

1) I made this yummy dinner for the family. I merged two recipes from the book Ive been using, Eating for Life. I cooked chicken breast, bell peppers, purple onions, squash in a pan with curry powder, pink salt, cayenne pepper, basil. I drained and warmed up corn with no salt and black beans. Then, we warmed wheat tortillas and put the chicken mixture on top, sprinkled beans and corn with a little cheese, salsa and sour cream on top! So good!


2) I made it to my Nutritionist appointment. Ive been doing most of what she had to tell me! Ive lost 5 lbs and only  few more appointments and Ill be done!

3) I made it through the day after seeing a doctor about my neck pain. Strained muscle was inflamed and pressing on nerves. Steroids and pain meds are making a HUGE difference!

two of six

Monday I went to my second pre-op visit for a weight check. It was a short appointment where he asked about my eating habits. I was excited to tell him Ive stopped drinking soft drinks!!! Its been four weeks since I had a soft drink! I drink only water and maybe one cup of coffee a day. I eat the six meals a day ..... example:  yogurt or boiled egg (breakfast) protein shake (around 10m) lunch around 1 which is a salad with egg or turkey in it or a turkey sandwich on wheat bread. around 3 protein shake or bar and then dinner (from the cook book) and many times a light snack like apples and cottage cheese. He said as long as i continue these things Ill do great and lose a lot!

In 1.5 weeks I will see the Nutritionist and then a Psychiatrist and a sleep study.

Only four more visits of weight checks!

Goulash

My doctor recommended that I purchase, read and live by the book,

 Eating for Life by Bill Phillips.

I found it on Amazon for under $5 (and that's with shipping!)

Bill Phillips is a body builder. In this book he teaches to eat six times a day small protein packed foods, including carbohydrates! (from the list he provides) 

The majority of the book is filled with recipes and tonight I cooked American Goulash from this book. I changed is slightly but it was so yummy!

American Goulash

ground turkey, tomato sauce (with no salt) onions, zucchini, green peppers, pink Himalayan salt, chili seasoning, cayenne pepper, fettuccine pasta

 Brown turkey and remove from pan. Cook onions, zucchini and green peppers in a little olive oil. Add back the turkey and can of tomato sauce along with seasonings. heat until hot. Cook pasta and drain. Add a little olive oil. Put a fist size of pasta on plate and pour meat mixture over the top.

On my way

Last week I checked a lot of things off my list when I went to an appointment at the local hospital for and EKG, Labwork, Chest XRay and UpperGI tests.

Next week I see the surgeon for the second time.

I have stopped drinking sodas and increased my water intake. Ive consumed up to 64 oz in a day but thats not an average day.  I consume a very small amount of caffeine and am trying to limit my sugar intake. I now eat six times a day (as instructed by my doctor) in small amounts and a lot of protein.

Making this choice for surgery is not taking the easy way out. Its a lot of hard work, breaking habits, eating a different way, and  exercising, Surgery is simply a tool to help me lose a little faster but with the same hard work!

My Support System

He supports my decision to lose weight this way and get healthier! 

That means alot! 

 

My Choice

I know quite a few people who have had the Gastric Bypass. This is where the surgeon cuts part of the stomach out and makes a smaller pouch and then he will reroute or bypass part of the intestines to reduce absorption of nutrients. This is a major surgery and limits the amount and types of foods that you can eat (for the rest of your life) For example, most can no longer eat any sugar in addition to other foods. I DO NOT WANT THIS TYPE OF SURGERY! I don't think I need this one. 

I have chosen the Gastric Sleeve. This is a newer surgery that some surgeons are doing. The sleeve's results are comparable to the Gastric Bypass but its less invasive with shorter hospital stay and shorter recovery time. It also has less side effects. 

After explaining to my surgeon that these were the reasons I wanted the sleeve over other options, he agreed that those facts were correct and that the sleeve would be his suggestion for me as well. 

 

EMOTIONS

Today I had my consultation with the Bariatric Surgeon. I was excited until the moment I left work and drove towards the doctor's office, then I got nervous. (butterflies and all!) I arrived and walked towards the entrance of the office and saw someone I knew.  (The office is located at an Orthopaedic Office) I, then, felt embarrassed. She asked if I was hurt and was that why I was there. I just said no, I'm fine and went on about my way. LOTS OF EMOTIONS!

No sooner than I sat in the waiting room I was called to the back. I was weighed (heavy sigh)  height measured, and blood pressure taken. I was explained all the hoops I have to jump through.... such as talking to a Nutritionist, a Psychologist, having a sleep study, and meeting with a doctor who will monitor my weight and help guide me to a healthier eating habit and style of living.

My Surgeon was amazing! He was friendly and talkative. He wanted to know why I wanted this procedure and he talked to me about the side effects and ways it will change my life. Today was also my first appointment for weight monitoring so I have five months to get all tests completed and submitted to my insurance company before surgery is scheduled.

My husband went with me today. He is nervous about me going through surgery, so he had questions. We talked to our children about the surgery and then I decided it was time to tell the first person (outside of this house) and I called my dad.

He thinks it is a big decision but is fully supportive of it.

Im on my way to thinner, happier, healthier ME!!!!

Why I Don't Want Lapband Surgury for Weight Loss

I am no doctor and I do not know everything about weight loss surgeries. If you need information about these procedures, consult a specialist! I am, however, sharing what I have learned from my research (and may or may not be right about everything I say. I hope what what I'm sharing is correct but keep in mind, I'm no doctor) I have gathered my information from various medical websites online.

When I first thought about weight loss surgery, I was interested in the Lapband. Mostly because I might not need to lose as much weight as many do and because it seemed less invasive and shorter recovery time. (I have since decided against Lapband) 

What is Lapband?
A port is affixed under your skin in the abdomen for easy access. Then, a band filled with a saline solution is placed around the upper part of the stomach. Doctors gain access tthrough the port to add or reduce the amount of saline in the band.  The idea is to lessen the amount of food that can be taken in and to create a feeling of fullness. Recovery time is about 2 weeks for full recover and may be done as an outpatient service or needing only up to a 24 hour stay at a medical facility.

Some disadvantages are that weight loss takes longer, there is a foreign object/medical device placed inside your body, the port can leak and need minor surgery and the band can slip. I know two people who have gotten Lapband surgery and one nearly died when his slipped and rubbed a hole in the stomach causing infection etc...  The other person lost some weight and couldn't lose anymore, That person ended up having the gastric Bypass later.

This may be the right decision for some but I don't think Lapband is for me. Id rather not have a foreign device inside me and face the possibility of erosion or slipping. I also want faster and permanent results.

Setting Monthly Goals

Over the next six months I will be making months goals for myself such as......
drink less soda and then drink no soda, drink more water, reduce sugar intake, stop consuming sugar, and exercise daily. Even though my first appointment with the Bariatric Specialist isn't until Wednesday, I intend to begin my first goal of drinking less soda, on Monday. I don't consume as much as I used to but I still consume soda and that has to stop!

Ill soon be taking my "Before" photo

In the past Ive taken so many before photos only to not lose weight and feel horrible about myself later.

 Last year I completed the Dirty Girl Mud Run.

 It was difficult but I did it. I had this grand plan to lose weight and be able to run the entire thing this year....... guess what? Not happening! Ive gained weight and don't think Id even be able to complete the run this year. NEXT YEAR, I WILL FINISH IT AND HOPEFULLY ILL RUN THE ENTIRE THING !  (I have learned that I appear much skinnier when a photo is taken from the front, like the one above)

Y'all don't know how hard it is to publicly post these photos of me but I'm doing it because I know I'm on the road to a thinner and healthier me.

On Monday April 27th (the day that this will post)  I will begin working on my goal to drink less soda (cut back to one a week) and consume more water.

And so my journey begins!!!!!!!!

Queen of Delete

I know Im not the only one who hates to see photos of herself. I am the queen of delete. I searched through all my photos for "fat pictures" and these are the only ones i found. (I tend to keep the close up face photos)

 I will be taking my "fat pictures" but it may be awhile before I feel comfortable enough to post them.Until then..... these are the ones I have.... they were taken in 2012.

My Journey Begins

 My History

For several years I have been interested in weight loss surgery. Ive been overweight for many years, many in my family are overweight and this comes with health problems. I have tried Weight Watchers, Myfitnesspal , smoothies and other various ways to lose weight and I never lose more than 10-12lbs. I am at my all time weight high and feel awful about myself. I am very self conscience and hate photos of myself. Like most over weight women, I attempt to find clothes to "cover up" the fat.  One year ago as I was driving to work I listened to a local radio personality, Erica, discuss her journey she was beginning with weight loss surgery. I have listened and watched her as I thought in the back of my mind that I would "one day" like to undergo surgery for weight loss. A few months ago I hit a point in which I was unhappy with what I looked like and how I felt and realized I need to stop putting it off. 

I started my journey by researching various kinds of surgery. I only knew of two kinds. (Gastric Bypass and Lapband) but while listening to Erica, I learned about the Gastric Sleeve. 

The Beginning of My Journey

My journey began when I decided that I NEED to do this. I looked up the requirements on my insurance and discovered what doctors were in network. Then, I looked up those doctors online and did a little research on their website. I learned that I had to attend an informational session that taught about the different types of weight loss surgery and what I needed to talk to my insurance company about. I was happy to learn that I could attend the session online (they also offer one in person but the online session was better for me) Once I completed that session I had to type in a code that I was given and I was emailed a certificate of completion. The following day I called my insurance company with specific questions. Within a few days the surgeon's office called me to let me know that they would be verifying my insurance benefits and once that was confirmed they could schedule my first appointment. In the mean time I continued to research the various types of surgery and learn about the benefits and the disadvantages/complications of each type of surgery. One week later the surgeons office called me and said my benefits were verified and they scheduled my first appointment with them. (Which is in 1 1/2 weeks) 

How Am I Feeling?

I am anxious. I wish I could schedule surgery and just do it right away but this is a process. My insurance company requires six months of medical weight documentation. During the six months I will attempt (once again) to lose weight with diet and exercise with the guidance of a medical doctor. Of course Ill learn more about the process at my first appointment. 

I am excited. I am happy to begin this journey that I have thought about for years now. I am reading and watching others on their journey and talking to friends that have gone through the process.
   
I am guarded. I know that many look at others who have gone through weight loss surgery and say "They took the easy way" or " they are too lazy to do it the right way"  I know how it is viewed by many so I'm not talking to many about this journey just yet. Of course I talk to my husband and my children. I talk to one coworker who has had weight loss surgery. As I get further in to this journey I will tell more people. I do intend to blog about the journey from now until a long time afterwards. 

 
  I will share my thoughts and feelings about this along the way. I will share what I learn from reading and talking to professionals but I am no doctor so please do NOT read what I write and mistake it for medical information. If you have questions about weight loss surgery, see a professional.If you have questions about my personal experience, please email me!