Sharing Clothes

Last year as I started my weight loss journey my daughter was getting rid of some clothes.

I took a few things and said, "Maybe one day Ill fit in these" 

Fast forward to now....  I was cleaning out my closet and saw those things I had taken from my daughter. I tried on this dress (a large) and it fit! 

Now it fits her way more lose than this did me but it fit, and was not too tight! 

Super excited! 

I dont feel fat anymore but I do not feel skinny or small. I still feel like a big girl, I guess I always will. I want to lose 25 more pounds. I also hope I can build up my clothing supply as I do not have enough pants to wear for a full work week! 

Ive gained a few pounds back (three to be exact) and Im trying to figure out what I need to do to break this stall Ive been in for the past month! 

For now, Ill enjoy the excitement over sharing clothes with my girls! 

Goals and Struggles

I am 5 months post op.  

My hair is falling out. This is common when you lose weight rapidly. I mostly notice the hair falling out when Im in the shower. I hope this is going to stop soon. I take Biotin daily to help with hair regrowth.  

I still struggle with vitamin intake. I hate the taste of chewables and I cannot take large pills. I will keep searching until I find the right one for me. 

I have been working on the Couch to 5K program. I am no runner! But Ive been working hard at running/walking and building up my stamina. Saturday I will be in a Color Run with a friend. I know I wont run the whole thing but I hope to run more than I walk! 

I also do Refit (like Zumba) once a week. Exercise is something NEW to me. Ive never liked it much but its growing on me. 

I struggle to get enough calories in.... my goal is 1,000 calories a day. Today was the first day that I got in 1,000 calories. 

I have 25 more lbs to lose. Im in another stall. Stalls are frustrating but it happens and most times your body is changing in other ways when it isnt losing pounds. 

I am more confident now, I dont feel fat anymore but I need to meet my goal to lose a total of 89 lbs. 

I wanted to blog about more than weight loss but my life has been so crazy and work is so busy I havnt had the energy to blog about anything else.

59# Down!

Im continuing the same eating patterns but trying hard to eat 1000 calories a day but that's a struggle eating that much. I started the Couch to 5k running program and have signed up for a Color Run in three weeks! I am also doing Refit (like Zumba) once a week.  Its a work in progress.

Struggling with Mommy Feelings

I am the mother of 4 children ranging in age from 23 to 15. From a young age I longed for the time when I would be a wife and a mother. When my oldest was born, I fell in love. I fell in love with my baby boy, with motherhood and rarely let him leave my side. I stayed home to care for him and 17 months later my second child was born. I loved playing with them outside, reading books, and raising them in church. Two years later I gave birth to my third child. The days were sometimes hard and tiring but I never regretted being a mother. I rarely bought anything for myself, I did everything for them. I wanted to give them things I didn't have as a child. We scraped by financially but I was home day and night. I sang with them, prayed with them, and loved them unconditionally. Four years later my youngest was born. I fell in love with my baby girl just like I did every one of them. I prayed over them and with them. I did my best.

Now, I have only one left in school. I am so proud of my children but man, is it ever hard to have done everything you know to do and then watch them leave the nest knowing that you cannot be there to protect them anymore. You cannot step in when a bad decision is being made, you can only pray for them and trust God. 

When I decided nearly a year ago that I was ready to take time for myself and do something for myself by having surgery to assist with my health, I felt like I had spend all these years being selfless and it was time to spend time on me. 

Tonight as I think more about how fast approaching my surgery is I feel guilt. I feel like I should be spending this time and money on my children. I feel like I should be there for them but what could I really do? I feel guilty and helpless. Praying is easy to do but having the faith your prayers will be answered in Gods timing and God's way is so difficult. My personality wants to take over and jump in a fix everything and I simply cant do that. Only God can be there to guide them. I wont always be there and I know deep down that I need to also take care of myself but its so hard to do. I'm struggling tonight.

Fastly Approaching

Things are moving faster now (thankfully) I was super upset to hear I was going to have to pay $800 out of pocket for a CPAP and they required me to use the CPAP for the surgery! I didnt have the money! Long story short (and many phone calls later) the CPAP coordinator offered to let me borrow a CPAP to get me through surgery. 

Surgery is scheduled November 19th! 

In one week my husband and I will go out for the weekend and Ill have a big "last" meal at my favorite place. Then, Ill start the liquid diet  (for two 1/2 weeks)

Not looking forward to the liquid diet but excited about surgery! I never thought Id be excited about a surgery but Im ready for this LIFE CHANGE. 

For anyone who thinks this is the easy way out.... its definitely not easy and Im just beginning! 

Frustration with myself and insurance companies

I am feeling very frustrated yet again (and I haven't even had the surgery yet) I talk to a lot of people whom I know, who have had various types of WLS and all of them say they DID NOT attempt to lose before surgery. However, Ive been determined to do what the surgeon suggested, and I have. Am I losing? Only a few pounds in six months.  

I eat 5-6 times a day. An average day goes like this: 

7:00 yogurt or boiled egg, coffee
10:00 protein shake
12:30 lunch I I always take my lunch to work. Today I had a small salad topped with cottage cheese and pineapple. small cup of soup the cafeteria gave us and a cup of yogurt. After I ate that I felt full and guilty... as if I over indulged! 
3:30 (I'm supposed to have another shake but I have only been drinking water about this time) 
6:00 Dinner (usually from the book, Eating to live.)

I strive to take in 64 oz of water a day but I'm not hitting the mark on that :( That makes me feel badly as well. I (hopefully) will be having surgery within 4 weeks and I still haven't been able to create the habit of drinking all my water. 

So, right now I feel my amounts are too large and my water intake is not enough. I am frustrated with myself. 

Next week I have my pre-op appointment and will choose a surgery date. While that is exciting, I'm frustrated as well because Ive been waiting for MONTHS to get my CPAP which is required to have before surgery and I keep getting the run around. I was called today to tell me that the place that Ill be getting my equipment from is still trying to verify my insurance and figure out what they will pay and they are also waiting on ANOTHER signature from my sleep specialist. I'm beginning to worry that they wont have my CPAP to me by the time surgery rolls around. 

I also find myself wanting to indulge more in the foods I love BEFORE surgery since I know that surgery is a life changer.

Approved!

I got the call today that my insurance APPROVED me for VSG!  I have a pre-op appointment in two weeks and will schedule my surgery during that appointment. (provided I have the money that is due up front) Apparently my previous insurance denied payment for my Nutritionist visit even though they required me to go to that appointment?! I have to pay for that visit and the required amount from my surgeon. Both total about $500

I am guessing that surgery will be around the third week of November (right before Thanksgiving)

Whoop Whoop! 

Im ready! 

Waiting for my new life

I started a new job and that means I have new insurance. I completed my six visits with the surgeon, and I gave them my new insurance information (even though Ive yet to receive a card) I'm waiting for them to verify the insurance. Once its verified they will review what that insurance requires and make sure Ive completed everything. (I have no doubt that I have since my new insurance requires less than the previous insurance) Once that is complete, they schedule a Pre-Op appointment for me. During that appointment they write prescriptions, schedule surgery and explain the two week liver shrinking diet (which is mostly liquid) Then, Ill have surgery!

I should get a call any day for me to go pick up the CPAP machine and I cant wait because I'm tired all the time! (even though Ive changed my eating, I drink more water and exercise! )

I haven't told many about my choice for surgery. I simply don't want to hear all the questions or negative comments. When you tell people they tell you about others who had it and got sick, died or gained all their weight back. Or you hear people say, you don't look that over weight, why don't you just eat right? I don't want to explain that I'm 100lbs over weight and that I am tired of yoyo dieting and I'm doing this for my health and self esteem. I'm sure eventually Ill have to tell people but for now.... I'm not. I'm just anxiously awaiting surgery and my new life.

 above: vacation in florida  Below: Im in the purple. Thats a photo that just made me sick, yep its me. Size 2x shirt

Update

On the 30th Ill go for my 6th visit and pay out of pocket. My new insurance begins October 1st.

Once the new insurance kicks in, Ill get the CPAP and the Bariatric Center will verify my insurance and see what they cover and what all they require. Then, we go from there. I hope to have surgery in November.

Bump in the Road

I'm almost there but of course with my luck Ive hit a bump in the road. I was hesitant to change jobs right now but it was the right thing to do. I did not expect my former job to drop my insurance on my last day of work. That means that from Sept 4 to Oct 1 I have no insurance. I have one more weight check to complete. The way my former insurance works, is that I must complete 6 monthly visits consecutively. Ive got to find out how much the visit will be out of pocket without insurance.

I cannot get my CPAP until the new insurance kicks in, and I have to have that before surgery is scheduled.

Ill be signing up for insurance this week but wont have insurance until Oct 1. I don't know the details of my insurance but Ive heard that its easier.... in other words they probably don't require the 6 monthly visits. But then again, I wont know until Oct 1 and I cannot wait until then to find out because if they do require it, Ill have to have a visit in September anyway.

What a mess. I'm frustrated but not giving up. Still working on water and protein intake and I start Refit this week. Not to mention my new job is so much more active than what I have been. (that's good!)

I keep telling myself.....

I was looking through vacation photos and looked at this one of my girls and I at Dr Seuss Landing and Im disgusted at myself. I keep telling myself this is a BEFORE photo. Surgery should be in October. Im angry at myself for even being where I am right now.

CPAP Titration Sleep Study

My second sleep study is complete. I slept with the mask and while it was hard to get used to, I felt better the next day! I will see a sleep specialist next week and complete my 5th of 6 weight checks with the surgeon. 

I'm a little nervous at this point as I am having to switch jobs which results in changing insurances. My doctor's office said that as long as the next insurance covers WL surgery Ill be fine. I think they do but I guess I wont know until I start the job! 

4 of 5 (update on Gastric Sleeve Process)

I am 9lbs down and getting closer to my BIG DAY!

I met with my surgeon Monday and he is pushing more for me to start exercising so that's going to happen real soon! Ill be going on vacation soon but as soon as return I will be hitting the new eating plan hard!

I had a second visit with the Psychiatrist and while she wants to follow up with me in a few weeks, she did send my clearance letter! Whoop Whoop!

All I need to do now is complete a second sleep study/Titration and get set up with a cpap and complete two more visits (August and September) That's when they send for approval from insurance. Once approval comes, Ill meet with the surgeon for pre op, meet with finance dept and schedule surgery. Surgery will be after a two week liquid diet (to shrink the liver) That is the part I dread the MOST!!!!

Bad Fall

Seriously its been a tough few months! Last week I tripped at work on the sidewalk and felt strait on my elbow! Im pretty sure I bruised the bone. I can use it and Im not limited in doing anything its just painful to touch it!

In other news..... I completed my third weight check.  I am also waiting on a call to schedule my second sleep study with a cpap machine.

In July Ill finish my Psychiatrist visits and have my 4th weight check! Ive lost about 5 lbs in the past few months (better than nothing)

Im trying so hard to consume 64 oz of water a day, eat six times a day (smaller amounts) and now need to add exercising to the mix!

Sleep Study Complete

I have not seen the results but online I see Im listed as having "Sleep Disturbance"  Whatever that means. Im waiting to hear back from my doctor. 

Tomorrow I see the Psychiatrist, who is supposed to talk to me and decide if she things Im emotionally and mentally ready for a lifetime change. I am pretty sure I am. I read everything I can about the procedure and life afterwards. Im a member of several support groups on Facebook and read people post about struggles and triumphs since surgery. I know its a total lifestyle change and Im ready for that! I am told that this Psychiatrist requires two visits. (most require one) 

Once I am done with the psychiatrist, I will be finished with all the required doctor appointments except for my monthly weight checks with my surgeon. Those visits will be complete at the end of September. 

In the mean time, I am getting through my work week (and trying to save up sick time) preparing for a visit from my step son and a vacation to Florida (at the beginning of August) 
Hopefully if things keep going smoothly, Ill have surgery at the beginning of October (four months away!)

Sleep Study is Over

 It wasnt a comfortable night but its over. I guess Ill hear back through my doctor about the results. I was tired all day yesterday trying to make up for lost sleep or not resting as well (I guess)

Now I have to visit a Psychiatrist (required by insurance) and 4 more monthly visits with my doctor.
Still working on taking in enough fluids daily, eating 6 times a day which includes a lot of protein and less sugar.

I made it!

1) I made this yummy dinner for the family. I merged two recipes from the book Ive been using, Eating for Life. I cooked chicken breast, bell peppers, purple onions, squash in a pan with curry powder, pink salt, cayenne pepper, basil. I drained and warmed up corn with no salt and black beans. Then, we warmed wheat tortillas and put the chicken mixture on top, sprinkled beans and corn with a little cheese, salsa and sour cream on top! So good!


2) I made it to my Nutritionist appointment. Ive been doing most of what she had to tell me! Ive lost 5 lbs and only  few more appointments and Ill be done!

3) I made it through the day after seeing a doctor about my neck pain. Strained muscle was inflamed and pressing on nerves. Steroids and pain meds are making a HUGE difference!

Possible Set Back

Tomorrow Im supposed to meet with the Nutritionist. I dont know if Ill make that appointment as Im suffering with terrible neck pain. I thought Id slept wrong but the pain is worse today and I have a large lump on the back of my neck. (possible pinch nerve?) I also have slight numbness down my left arm. Ill be seeing a doctor tomorrow to see whats going on.

 If Im better I should be doing my sleep study Friday night. I hope this issue wont cause me to get behind on appointments. I have had a rough week! I suffered with a stomach virus Tuesday-Friday and then Saturday was hit with neck pain! 

Praying things calm and settle soon.

On my way

Last week I checked a lot of things off my list when I went to an appointment at the local hospital for and EKG, Labwork, Chest XRay and UpperGI tests.

Next week I see the surgeon for the second time.

I have stopped drinking sodas and increased my water intake. Ive consumed up to 64 oz in a day but thats not an average day.  I consume a very small amount of caffeine and am trying to limit my sugar intake. I now eat six times a day (as instructed by my doctor) in small amounts and a lot of protein.

Making this choice for surgery is not taking the easy way out. Its a lot of hard work, breaking habits, eating a different way, and  exercising, Surgery is simply a tool to help me lose a little faster but with the same hard work!

My Support System

He supports my decision to lose weight this way and get healthier! 

That means alot!